Things I'll 'Never' do as a parent

Before becoming a parent most people have lots of ideas about what they will and will not do, some things you swear you will never do. It’s all too easy for someone without kids to say ‘Oh I would never do that,’ but the reality is much different. You become a parent and you relax your rules and your high expectations.

Things I said I’d do or not do:

• I swore I’d never let my baby sleep in my bed, especially when they were tiny – I’m now a strong support of co-sleeping and have done it with both boys.

• No Dummies – Having a colicky baby made me reach for the dummies to save my sanity.

• Dummy will be gone by the time J is walking – He walked at 10.5 months and still has a dummy now at 21 months. It WILL be gone by the time he’s three though. No going back on that. That dummy is the bane of my life, but at the same time a god send. R doesn't have one and I'm still unsure if it's good or bad.

• I will breastfeed for at least 6 months – The exhaustion of feeding every two hours day and night let me to switch to formula by the time J was just over four months old. I think I’ll be breastfeeding R for a long time to come though.

• No sweet foods – Mummy fail, J is always eating sweet foods. Don't get me wrong I do limit it, he doesn't have biscuits for breakfast but he has them as treats quite often.

• Controlled crying or Crying it out – Done both at some point, I don’t agree with it before six months though. That never changed. It was a last resort but it definately solved our bedtime issues.

• Let them watch T.V– How naive was I? T.V is a life saver.

• Won’t let them have a tantrum in middle of a supermarket – Ha I now know that you cannot stop a child having a tantrum, it doesn’t mean you can’t control your kids and you can’t drag them home because the shopping needs doing.

So what things did you change your mind about? Or what ‘rules’ do you have for when you have kids? I'd love to hear them.

A - Z of Me

I stole this from Beth. Bascially you can learn a little about me. If anyone wants to steal it feel free.

A. Age: Twenty-Six

B. Bed size: Double, we really need a bigger one

C. Chore you dislike: Washing up. I detest washing pots – thankfully we have a dishwasher for most of it.

D. Dogs: I have a black Labrador. We’ve had him three and a half years now, and I feel a bit sorry for him at times. He doesn’t get as much attention as he needs – soon he’ll be running around outside with the kiddies though :-)

E. Essential start to your day: Tea or some mornings coffee. Tea and toast these days, I never used to be a breakfast person but I wake up starving these days.

F. Favourite color: I don’t really have a favourite, but if I had to pick it would probably be Red.

G. Gold or silver: Silver or white gold. I find yellow gold a bit... I dunno I just don’t like it.

H. Height: Short. 5” if I’m being generous

I. Instruments you play(ed): None. I’m completely unmusical in every way.

J. Job title: Account manager...sounds way more impressive than it is. I don’t work in accounts and I don’t manage any people.

K. Kids: Two beautiful boys <3 L. Live: Rugby in my little two bedroom house. Small and not perfect but it’s ours.

M. Mum’s name: Mary

N. Nicknames: Lu.

O. Overnight hospital stays: Other than the night’s I’ve had my babies then none.

P. Pet peeves: Lateness, there are few scenarios where it’s acceptable.

Q. Quote from a movie: “Nobody puts baby in the corner” *sighs*

S. Siblings: Four big sisters and two big brothers.

T. Time you wake up: Anytime before 6:30 and 8:00 – depends how sleepy the children

are.

U. Underwear: Yes! I’m looking forward to the day I can wear pretty non nursing bras again... definitely treating myself.

V. Vegetables you don’t like: Sprouts.

W. What makes you run late: I hate lateness; I’m seldom late and never was before I had children. Even now I find myself getting stressed if one of the children need changing when we are due to leave. Although I usually plan to leave so early that even if I do need to change them I still arrive on time.

X. X-rays you’ve had: Only on my teeth.

Y. Yummy food you make: I’m not the greatest cook, I lack in confidence. Do fairy

cakes count? I find them rather yummy.

Z. Zoo animal favorites:

Monkeys – especially chimpanzees. I absolutely adore them. Penguins are pretty awesome too.

Today has been...

Mostly about rolling!

He’s practically there, except his arm is getting stuck, which makes him angry. He was shouting a lot, so I’d assist then he’d shout because he was on tummy. I’d flip him back over and the process would start again. He’s a very vocal little boy, much more vocal than his brother was.

It’s not going to be long until he has mastered it, so the time has come to stop leaving him on the sofa. J didn’t roll until after he was six months, he was sitting up before he rolled. It’s amazing how much variation there is in these milestones.

Co-Sleeping

I wrote this post over a year ago originally, it was posted on my old blog but I thought it was something that would be suited to this blog. So I’ve just updated it slightly to include R.

Would you? Wouldn’t you?

Before J was born I swore I would never have him in my bed at night time, especially when he was tiny. Fear of rolling on him or suffocating him, made the thought impossible. However when he was a few weeks old he was in my bed every night and I thought nothing of it. I co-slept to protect my sanity; Joshua fed every two hours day and night. That was two hours from the start of the feed not the end – so feeding him, then trying to get him back into his own bed took time and I felt like the living dead. So into my bed he came, we fed lying down and went back to sleep when we were. Some woman can even sleep while their babies are feeding, that HAS to be a benefit right? Yet people are quick to criticize. People always say ‘You need to cut that habit out NOW, or he will never leave.’

At 8 months he was still sleeping in our bed for part of the night every night – but we all slept better and enjoyed co-sleeping so what’s the problem? He eventually slept through the night and sleeps 12 hours in his own room – just as well because we needed room in our bed for R. I think from day one R was in our bed –snuggled in his sleeping bag next to his mummy. He turns his head, takes his food and goes back to sleep. Perfect.

Many co-sleeping parents report that their children become willing to leave, with little or no persuasion, on their own around age two or three, as they mature physically, emotionally and cognitively. These families also report that there are many ways to help children find their own sleeping space. Co-sleeping families tend not to see things in terms of habits that need to be broken, but as patterns that can be established, but that continually evolve and change. For co-sleeping families, laying the foundation for security and closeness takes precedence over early independence.
It’s true isn’t it? How many 16 year olds still share the bed with the parents? None - exactly. I always had faith that J would sleep in his own room when he was ready and he did at about 10 months. He began sleeping longer and longer, and now only comes in with us when he’s poorly or if he wakes up too early for me to get up. If my babies want to be close to me, need my reassurance then that is what they will get. R can stay in my bed as long as he needs to and I know now from experience that the time will come when he will be ready to sleep alone.

I find too many people want babies to be independent, to sleep through the night on their own from as young as possible. It’s like a competition between some mothers... apparently a friend of a friend’s baby slept through every night from day 1! I am sorry but I don’t believe this, and if it’s true then what the hell? Babies that young need feeding though the night! I got sick of people telling me I had to stop feeding J at night as he didn’t need it, that he was waking up out of habit... but no I was right he wasn’t waking out of habit, he was having a bottle because he was hungry and like I told everyone he would, he stopped having the bottle on his own with no influence from me. So why should co-sleeping be any different?

He’ll suffocate...another popular one! Actually no he won’t if you co-sleep correctly and there is research that has proved co-sleeping reduces the risk of SIDS. Don’t smoke, don’t drink, don’t put baby on a pillow, give baby their own blanket and do not cover them with your duvet...all common sense things really.

Does co-sleeping have any effect on SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome)?
Actually, it appears so! Studies have discovered that in cultures where co-sleeping is a common practice, SIDS rates are at their lowest. Conversely, where co-sleeping is least likely, the rate of SIDS is highest. These two facts have led researchers to suggest a strong link between co-sleeping and lower risk of SIDS. Why? Evidence suggests that some babies may have abnormal sleep patterns, or sleep apnoea, in which, during an unusually deep sleep, they forget to breathe. Co-sleeping may help address this problem via two paths. One is simply that, if a parent is nearby, any disturbances or problems with breathing are more likely to be noticed. Furthermore, evidence also suggests that babies may regulate themselves to the parent's breathing patterns, so simply being close by may also help reduce your baby's SIDS risk.
I found that I was very aware of J’s presence and I still am, the moment he wakes up I wake up. Even when he began to crawl, I didn’t fear that he would fall from the bed as there is no possibility that he could have time to wake up and crawl out of bed before I woke up. I don’t know what it is, perhaps it’s just a mothers instinct?! I’m the same with R, he stirs I wake. Drives me mad sometimes, when he’s just wriggling and I wake up to check on him and he’s still asleep.

Co-sleeping promotes sensitivity. Many parents who co-sleep feel that they become more attuned to their baby and child. They feel that their sensitivity to the needs and patterns of their baby translate into daytime sensitivity as well. - I agree with this, I feel I am completely tuned with my baby, that is not saying that parents who don’t co-sleep are not equally as tuned but personally I feel that this has helped me bond a lot with both my babies.

It reduces bedtime struggles. -100% agree!! We have tried to get J to sleep at 2am in his room and he fights and fights but bring him into our bed and he goes straight back to sleep. I haven’t even got the energy to try such a battle with R.

Parents of co-sleepers know that children who sleep in their parents'' room have no reason to be afraid of bedtime. As they grow older and move into their own rooms, they have positive, secure images of sleeptime. They have no reason to equate bedtime with being alone. – too many children hate the dark and get scared at bedtime; it’s the last thing I wanted for my children.

It fosters an environment of acceptance. Underlying the choice to co-sleep is a willingness to accept a child's need for the parent both day and night. A parent essentially communicates that while the child is small and needful, the parent will be there to help the child and address their needs. Co-sleeping parents tend to believe that this willingness to respond to the child's needs carries over into the daytime, and this powerfully contributes to the overall relationship with the child. –I’ve never co-slept all night, I always put them to bed initially in their own bed. Then when they wake for their first night feed I’d bring them in with me and they stay their then still morning. Or even if they wake and don’t want a feed they can come in with me if they want (not J now though he has to stay in his bed unless he is poorly). I believe in letting my baby’s lead me with their cues. I do not believe I am creating spoilt children, I believe I am teaching them to trust me 100% and letting them know that any time they need me then I will be there.

Co-sleeping is just as safe or safer than a crib. Existing studies do not prove that co-sleeping is inherently hazardous. The elements of the sleeping environment are what dictate the level of danger to the infant. When non-smoking parents who do not abuse alcohol or drugs sleep on a firm mattress devoid of fluffy bedding, co-sleeping is a safe environment. In addition, it is likely that there are many children whose lives have been saved by sleeping next to their parents. There is anecdotal evidence, for instance, of mothers who have noticed their child not breathing and were able to stimulate them to breathe. – Have already written about this!

I wanted to share this on my Mummy blog and I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences. Whether you are for or against co-sleeping or you just haven’t thought about it. Please do comment and let me know 

Dribblebuster sleeping bag - Review

I have been meaning to write this blog post for weeks but it just keeps getting pushed to the side as other things pop into my head. So I thought it was about time I just got on with it.

I saw a random tweet to win a sleeping bag from Dribblebuster and having nothing else to do I decided to enter on their facebook page. All you had to do was write your bedtime routine for your baby to be in with a chance of winning. I’ve never won anything in my life, so when I logged onto facebook a few days later to find a message telling me I had won I was shocked.

My winning post was:

We do bath, baby massage then we lay on my bed and I feed him. Wind him and then lay him in his Moses basket and he plays for a bit before falling to sleep.
With my toddler he has wind down time, and then upstairs to bed, a story of his choice, kiss... and good night. Routines are brill :)

I got a little excited waiting for the post to bring me my prize. I don't get very much nice post - mostly just bills. The sleeping bag arrived and it looked lovely – it’s just a shame they don’t sell them in adult sizes.

This is what the website says about them :

Give yourself and your baby a good night's sleep with these delightful baby sleeping bags which provide comfort and warmth with no need for additional bedding. Baby sleeps safer and warmer with no sheets or blankets to wriggle under. The sleeping bags also prevent baby's feet being trapped between cot bars.

Each is made with finest quality 100% cotton pique with soft cotton jersey lining. Suitable for babies from 10 -18 lbs up to 68 cm height. Machine washable at 30 degrees C.

* Your baby will wake up warm and therefore be more likely to go back to sleep. * Your baby cannot slip down inside the sleeping bag; sheets, blankets and duvet's can go over baby's head. * Your baby can kick and wriggle contentedly and does not feel constricted. * When travelling or in strange surroundings, your baby will always feel always feel comfortable in it's own sleeping bag. * Easy zip designed to make changing your baby easier.

We have a couple of sleeping bags, I find them much more practical that using blankets. Especially when it’s cold, it means baby can’t kick off the blanket and get cold which he has a habit of doing. 

The sleeping bag comes in three colours, pink, blue and white. The design isn’t anything fancy but it doesn’t need to be. All that matters is that it does what it’s supposed to – keep my baby warm.

I love the ease of use; you can zip it up around baby even if he is already sleeping. Another sleeping bag I have you need to physically put baby’s arms through the arm holes. This one has poppers on the shoulders which you tie up. When I first put R in the sleeping bag, I was slightly concerned at how big the arm holes were, but then I realised he can’t take his arms out anyway and even if he wriggled them inside it’s not going to matter. The neck is the perfect size, not too small that it’s going to annoy R and not to big that there is any risk of baby wriggling down into the sleeping bag. 

The material is lovely and soft, both on the outside and more importantly on the inside – leaving baby both snug and comfortable. The sleeping bag is quite roomy, meaning R still has freedom to kick and wriggle his legs without feeling constricted. We’ll definitely be able to continue using it until the weather warms up.

The only negative I can think of is the price tag, it’s pretty pricey but the quality of the sleeping bag is brilliant and I prefer it to some of the cheaper sleeping bags around there.

They’ve also got some funky dribble bibs on the site, and I just adore them. 

So there we go my first product review, I quite enjoyed it :-) 

Toddler group dramas

What are the rules? If you see a child snatching a toy from your child what do you do? Do you take it from the child and explain yours had it first? Do you leave it and hope their parents will do something? Do you quickly find your child something new to play with? I’m never quite sure how to react. J’s not done it yet but if I saw him snatching a toy from another child, I’d return it to the child who had it first. Explaining that they had to share, that the other child had it first and he needed to wait. Granted you don’t have your eyes on your child 100% of the time so it’s easy to miss, but I do try and keep an eye on him whilst chatting and taking care of R.

It happened a few times today, other children taking toys from Joshua. Thankfully he didn’t react by punching them or kicking up a stink, he just looked a bit bewildered before moving onto something else. Funnily enough one of the times a toy was snatched from him; it was the same boy who was picking on him at swimming a few weeks back. At least I am pretty sure it’s the same child (I still don’t know who he belongs to). Said child was playing with a floor puzzle, and Joshua took a toy Hoover from a box, before he’d even managed to get it out completely this child snatched it from him and said something to Joshua. Joshua looked at me like he’d done something wrong, I had to reassure him it was fine and to play with something else. As soon as Joshua moved away the child discarded the toy – he didn’t even want to play with it. It was just pure spite. How do small children learn to be like this, and what on earth is his problem with my child?

Normally toddler group is quite relaxing – well as much as spending time in a room full of toddlers is ever going to be. Today however I left feeling harassed and like I never wanted to return. It was busier than normal, more noise, and more madness. My baby was having things placed on his head while he was trying to sleep – much to the horror of the mother of the culprit. Not that I minded, R is used to it and the child wasn’t trying to be mean. Then we had the mother of all nappy explosions, soaked through two layers of clothes onto car seat, half way up his back – the lot. It took me ten minutes to change and clean R up – since as I tried to remove poo stained vest I managed to get it all over his arms. Then he kicked his legs and stuck his feet in the nappy. Naked baby, poo stained clothes and a mummy who wanted to give up and go home.

Tidy up time commenced followed by singing time. My child point blank refuses to join in every week, all the other children and adults sit nicely in a circle while my child runs around, throws tantrums at the mere mention of joining in. Leaving me feeling slightly embarrassed and trying everything to coax him over.

Home time ... cue major meltdown. Screaming and rolling around on the floor while I wrestle him into his coat and refuse to look at any of the other parents. I leave him rolling around the floor while I gather our belongings. One of the ladies who works there, (and also at baby group) went over and spoke to him. He soon jumped off the floor and behaved then. Why do they always do it for other people?

I arrived home, after more tantrums to get him into the house and I wanted to scream, cry or both. Harassed mother definitely summed up my morning. Oh well I’ll go and do it all again next week.

The unreliability of trains

It’s honestly no wonder so few people use public transport, because it is shockingly unreliable. Sunday we were heading to Worcester as we’d got some of the cheap great escape tickets. It was the only day we could do and we just picked the place randomly. We couldn’t get a train out of our station before 10am which is shocking in itself. We figured we could cope with getting there at 12:30 even though it was later than we’d hoped. Arriving at the train station Sunday morning the train we wanted to catch was running 30 minutes late, meaning we’d miss our connection. I found another train that we could get which would get us in with six minutes to spare to change trains. But no that train decided it would be exactly six minutes late, so we pulled into the station as our train was pulling away on the next platform. We couldn’t get another train for an hour, and that train was leaving from a different station so we had to make the short walk there and hang around.

Coming home was much smoother, apart from the fact that the London midlands website gave us the time of a Virgin train for our connection. A train which we couldn’t get on with the ticket we had, so we had to hang around for an extra half an hour before getting a train.

So Sunday we spent nearly two hours in Birmingham, almost as much time as we’d managed to get in Worcester. This would be bad enough at the best of times, but with a double pushchair and two children one whom is a toddler who gets bored easily it turned into somewhat of a nightmare.

The weekend previous my parents, who I’d got some tickets for where planning a day out to Shrewsbury. They don’t get the chance to go out very often and were looking forward to it. Their train was cancelled and they were going to have long waits, and arrive really late. They aren’t very confident on trains so they ended up coming home and not getting to go. Losing out on they money they had spent on tickets.

I arrived home and swore never to use a train again, and I won’t be using one again soon. Late, cancelled, expensive and just dam unreliable.

Reasons to be cheerful

Came across this blog hop today and thought I would join.

Basically it’s as the title says...reasons to be cheerful this week,

1. We paid off our holiday – Now the big expense is out of the way we can start to look forward to it a bit more. Aside from the fact we have no clue where we are going to get spending money from. We’re going to Ireland for two weeks to stay in a lovely little house in the middle of nowhere. Lots of family time, in a glorious location – I can’t wait.

2. Day out on Sunday – We grabbed some cheap train tickets thanks to Great Escape 2011 and we’re heading to Worcester for the day. We’ve never been before and have no idea at all what there is to do there, but it’s going to be nice to spend some quality time together the four of us. Especially as hubby has been working the past few Sundays, will be nice for him to get a day with the boys

3. Fun Friday – My friend came over today with her little boy, and we chatted and played with the three babies. Then we headed out to take them swimming, just leaving R at home with Daddy. Another friend and her little boy joined us and the three of them had a great time. Jumping and splashing around – the older two anyway.

Would you like to share your reasons for being cheerful this week? Then just link up via the button at the top of my post :-)

Mini Master Chef

J has been stuck in the house for the past two days and he gets fed up quite quickly. So I decided to be brave and do some baking with him. I had no idea how much of a disaster it would be, whether he was old enough to bake or not. I figured disaster or not it was going to be fun and it was.

He stood on a chair so he could reach and got stuck right in stirring away with a big grin on his face.

Spooning it into cases

 Ready for the oven

 Joshua's decorating - he stole the sweets so not many cakes got one

They may not be the prettiest cakes, but not bad for a 20 month old. They taste fine and we had fun so thats all that matters.

Gym Candy

Going to the gym isn't entirely fun at the best of times but it gives me an hour’s head space away from the kids. It can be a blessing some days, when one or both of them are being particularly demanding...I love them to bits but everyone needs a break. It makes us all happier people and stops me from going mad.

However going to the gym after nearly a week of being up every hour or two, and feeling run down and full of cold is even less fun. I managed a half hearted work out yesterday, spent less time that normal, felt like I was going to pass out and went home. Think I'll wait a few days before going back.

I know what might have helped me, some eye candy. Preferably someone like this >>

Although I’d probably kill myself falling off a machine if someone that good-looking walked in. So it’s probably safer that I all I get is a gym full of old people.