Starting preschool

J started preschool or nursery depending on what it's called in your area last week. I spoke to him about it lots in the weeks coming up to him starting. He would occasionally ask questions and seemed excited about going. However in the few days before he was due to start, he suddenly started to tell me that he didn't want to go. This sent me into a slight panic, but I kept reminding him of all the fun things he would get to do. 

His fear of going stemmed from using the toilet, he won't attempt to use the toilet alone unless there is a training seat on it. We have to lift him on, hold him and them lift him off. He seems scared and it's not something I want to push as I don't want to put him off going completely. 

His first day I took him, even though it's his dad that mostly takes him and collects him as I am at work. One of the first things he asked me when we arrived was to show him the 'big boys toilets.' I explained to his teacher his concerns and she told me they have a potty, so he's been using that. We have had once accident and one situation where he refused to get off the potty and stayed on their 20 minutes until A arrived to collect him. Other than this he seems to be enjoying it completely.

He got stuck right in painting on his first day, and then when I left half an hour later he was playing outside and couldn't care less that I was leaving. He has never been left with anyone before, other than his grandparents, my sister and my niece. He's very shy generally with new people, but he didn't seem fazed and has gone happily for the past week. 

For the past few evenings he has been telling me that he's done cooking, I highly doubted he had then when each day he said 'I've cooked an egg,' I was left confused. Turns out he's been pretending to cook eggs on the toy cooker. I have no idea what else he's been up to as that's all I've managed to get out of him.

Relief and happiness fills me, I would hate to think that he was upset being there. Or leaving him with tears would be horrible

I want to blog

I used to blog quite often and when I did I really enjoyed it. I used to write stories too, often I would spend an evening sat at my laptop writing something or other. Then life took over, big changes happened and writing took a back seat. I keep thinking I would like to get back into it but I have no idea where to start. 

So I guess this is the first step, it's not a masterpiece. It's not really anything but it is a start. A start of what I am not sure, I think I would like to get back into blogging but I'm not really sure what angle to take. Should I stick with a mummy blog and write about my children? Or should I just make it a bit more random and blog about anything in my life that I feel like talking about? Do people have any thoughts?

Maybe I will write this and then not write anything again for months, I should try and find the time. Set a little time aside to write something

New Relationship with Children!

Well first of all I haven't blogged in months, it's been so long since I blogged so no one will probably read anyway but I felt like I wanted to write something. I'd really like some feedback to.

As you are probably all aware me and the boys Dad broke up, mutual thing that had been brewing for years. I am now seeing someone else and we kept it a secret (well tried to) for around four months. I don’t feel I want to go into detail about either of these events, however it's now out in the open and it's opened up a lot more opportunities for us. We finally went out on our first proper date last week. Previously we have only been able to see each other at our houses. Either when neither of us had our children or when my children were asleep.

We've both met each other's children, we'd met them before we even got together as we've known each other for almost 4 years. He is my boss, just to add an extra level of complication to it all. This weekend we went out all 6 of us, and had a brilliant afternoon. The kids seem to get on really well even though his are 8 and 5 so older than mine. It was very cute watching them play together and with us. My kids seem to like him and I think his kids like me. They wanted to come to my house so I can't be all that bad.

We were met with the awkward situation of 8yo saying 'Daddy is L your girlfriend.' I could tell it threw S a bit and he said 'L is my friend yes and she is a girl.' Then he went on to say that I am like their Mummies friend. To which 8yo responded 'he's Mummies boyfriend.' It was all a little bit awkward, we wanted to leave it that we are just special friends in front of the kids. Try and keep it as un-confusing for them as possible, thing is kids don't miss much and these things don't escape them. We just hang out; we occasionally wrap an arm around each other but nothing too obvious in front of the children. We don't want to confuse them, or have it affect them but at the same time we want to be able to be able to show each other some affection. My children are obviously a lot younger but still I don't want them to be affected by it all. Both our children will always come first and we are trying to do everything right but sometimes it's hard to know what that is.

He only ever comes over when mine are in bed and if one of them wakes they never see him or know he is there. Even though it's normal that Mummy would have a friend over we want to keep it that way for now. It did feel wrong having him over when the kids were asleep upstairs and I know it bothered him a bit but it was the only way we could ever get any time together. So overtime we learnt to accept that it was the way it needed to be and we weren't hurting anyone.

We have had a couple of sleepovers – me going to his when our children are with the other parent. So no one is affected by this. One day though I know it's going to come to the point where I want him to be able to stay overnight even though my kids are here. I'll admit there have been times when we are all snuggled up and very sleepy that it would just be lovely to go to sleep together and not have him have to go home. I have no idea at all when the right time for this will be. Not yet of course, I want my kids to spend much more time with him/him and his kids before he is suddenly here when they wake up.  It needs to be sort of a natural progression, but how will I know then the time is right? Is it ever right to have a new partner sleep over when the kids are there?

Does anyone have any advice on how to handle new relationships when you have kids? It's happened a lot sooner than I could ever have imagined but with my children being so young it was inevitable that at some point in their lives I would meet someone. No one should have to remain single until their children are grown up. Would really like to hear people's opinions on this.

Head or heart?

Crunchy or smooth?
Tea or coffee?
Johnny Depp or George Clooney?
Head or heart?

It's a shame the last question isn't as easy as the rest. Head or heart? I'm sure we've all been met with the decision at some point in our lives and sometimes it's near impossible to figure it out.

Which do you follow when your heads screaming one thing and your heart something completely different? You've reached a fork in the road, the signposts aren't clear. All you know is each road will lead to opposite destinations, lead you towards two completely different lives. It's not clear which is the right road, they are both filled with bumps and pot holes. One says head, the other heart.

You want to believe your heart is right, but it's been wrong in the past. Your head is perhaps the more sensible road but what if sensible doesn't make you happy?

What if you don't even know what will make you happy? What if you're scared to put you first? If only life was black and white and not filled with giant expenses of grey. Big, looming, confusing areas of grey. If only being happy was as simple as it sounds. 

Life is complicated. Life is confusing and life is sure as hell a rollercoaster.

Some of you may know what this post is about, but it's not something I want to blog about. I just needed to write something to try and figure my thoughts out. It hasn't helped.

So head or heart? Which is right and why?  

Recap of 2011

One year has ended and another has started, its that time when a lot of people like to look back over the past year and then make resolutions for the new year. I'm not big on resolutions, I don't tend to really make proper ones. However I'm going to have a recap of the past twelve months. So here is is…

January
I spent January trying to adapt to being a Mummy of two, it was all still quite new and I was seriously sleep deprived. We did venture out though, for my sanity more than anything. I met a new friend this month; we'd exchanged a few messages through Netmums before I had Riley and then we arranged to meet up at soft play. We clicked instantly as did J and her little boy, and we've met up practically every week since. Some times during the summer two or three times a weeks. She's probably helped to keep me sane.

February
Again nothing big happened this month, just a normal month as a Mummy of two. I did spend a chunk of February trying to find a dress suitable for J's Christening. It's near impossible to find a pretty dress that is suitable for breastfeeding  and doesn't cost the earth – however H&M came to my rescue.

THE DRESS

March
The beginning of the month was spent making the last arrangements for the Christening. Then the last week of the month was jam packed and busy. One of my best friends came from Germany to stay with me for a week; she was to be God Mother to R. During the week we had the Christening, which was a bit of a disaster. The in laws didn't bother to turn up, R cried all day from the moment we got to the church until we got home. Which resulted in a completely pointless trip to A&E with him because he was completely out of sorts. We also attended two Westlife concerts and a Mcfly concert. I would like to add I only went to Mcfly because I'm a lovely friend and it was my friend's birthday and she loves them. 

April

It was A's birthday and our first real family day out, we took the children along with my friend and her boy to Twin lakes. It was gloriously sunny, unnaturally sunny for the time of year so it was perfect. It was brilliant to spend the day as a family and really treat J, who'd been a little star since his brother was born. 

May

We took our first holiday as a family of four, along with my parents to the West Coast of Ireland. It was beautiful – even if it was freezing and raining the entire two weeks. The extra hands were really helpful as J found the whole situation particularly strange and played up quite a lot because everything was so different to his usual routine. R also started army crawling.

                                               

June
Our baby turned two – I remember wondering where on earth the time had gone. We took him to the seaside for two days. Staying for our first night in a hotel as a family of four. We got a mixture of weather but did get to play on the beach something which we hadn't achieved when we went to Ireland. It was a brilliant couple of days and J was the centre of attention and got to do everything he wanted and completely enjoyed every minute of it.
We also started potty training.

July
We took our first trip out since potty training started and had no accidents – it was a triumphant moment.  I can't remember anything else of any significance happening this month so after a busy couple it was probably just a quiet one. Spent enjoying the last few weeks of my maternity leave, and making the most of every sunny day to take the kids out.

August
The big thing this month was my return to work. Three days a week, six hours a day – I got back into it surprisingly faster than I thought. I like where I work, I just wish I didn't have to. It's strange some days I don’t mind going to work, other days I'd rather not. I never dread going in, but if I know I'm not going to have much work I'd rather spend it at home with my children.

September                        
My baby walked… at just over 9.5 months old he was walking. It was a momentous moment and within a week he went from a few wobbly steps to walking everywhere.  Also at some point J started to talk, learning more and more words every day.

October
It was my birthday this month I was 21 again … I wish. I turned 27 and the husband arranged a babysitter and took my out for a meal. The first time we'd been out in a long time, we didn't stay out long but it was perfect. A couple of hours to be Lucy and Ant and not Mummy and Daddy.
I also went on a proper girls night out, the first time I have been out on the town drinking in a couple of years and it was one of the best nights out I've had in a long long time. I got to be me, I got to have fun, to get drunk and not worry about my children as they were safe at home with their daddy.
Westlife announced they were splitting up this month, an announcement that affected me more than I thought it would. It was also the month I spent an outrageous amount of money on tickets to see them in concert. Sixth row tiers, sixth row floor, third row floor, and front row. The most amazing tickets I have ever had.

I love how happy we look




November
My teeny baby turned one, not that he was like a baby still – he was already a toddler by then. I've been finding it hard to accept that he's not a baby anymore and even now I'm still trying to cling onto him being a baby even though in reality he isn't. For his birthday I made a train cake and I have to say it looked fab – especially as it was my first cake. We celebrated his birthday with a few friends at soft play, and then later my parents and sister came over for cake. Then the following day we took him to the sealife centre. It was a brilliant couple of family days.

December
Christmas! That’s about all that needs to be said – Christmas dominated the entire month. From the putting up of the decorations, to works parties to the big day itself. It's been an incredible Christmas,  Joshua understood so much this year and we managed to get him so excited that he was asking to go to bed not long after getting up so Santa would arrive earlier.
I've had a couple of weeks of over the Christmas period, and its been lovely – its just a shame it has been over shadowed by illnesses. Rotten colds first one then other that forced us to stay indoors. Just after everyone got over the colds sickness bugs hit, first J and we thought it was just him until a few days later when I caught it, followed by R catching it a few days later. It's only been this weekend that we all seem to be over all the germs. Two years running we've had illnesses at Christmas – I don’t want this to become tradition.

Christmas Traditions

With Christmas almost upon us again it got me thinking about Christmas traditions. We all had them as kids, some we carry over into adulthood and some we don't. 

Christmas eve was my favourite day when I lived with my parents. My older siblings popped in and out, my mum spent the day in the kitchen baking. Homemade mince pies and sausage rolls straight from the oven are the sole reason I now visit on Christmas eve. The build up was incredible, excitement and anticipation in the air....Christmas day for me was always an anticlimax. Maybe because I never had a siblings close in age to play with I don't know. I'm hoping it won't be the same for my boys. Unfortunately I didn't follow on the tradition of Baking, probably because I can think of a million other things I'd rather do than spend all day in the kitchen.

Christmas day always followed the same format. Presents, cooked breakfast, sister and kids come down. Dinner. Then we'd go for a walk around the village, the only time we ever went on a walk and I remember always enjoying it greatly. 



We haven't got many of our own traditions yet, I'm sure they'll come as the children get older. We do spend Christmas day at home with no visitors. I know for lots of people Christmas is enjoyed as a big family occasion with everyone around. For me its a time to spend with my husband and kids. No interruptions, just us at home enjoying each others company. It's not often we get quality time like that, there is always something to do or somewhere to go so we really embrace this time together. 

We started the tradition of new pyjamas for the children last year. On Christmas eve they will go to bed in brand new pyjamas and probably stay in them half of Christmas day. Opening presents wrapped up in our dressing gowns...perfect. 

So what traditions do you have? I'd love to hear them? 

Happy First Birthday

This time last year I had a 4 day old baby, now I have a one year old. It all seems a little crazy to be honest – time has never gone so fast as it has the past couple of years. R didn’t stay a baby for long enough at all, he seemed in a hurry to grow up and be like his brother. Army crawling at six months and walking a week before he turned ten months.

He should have been called daredevil, he has no fear at all and seems to cause injury to himself regularly. Usually his face and as you will see from his birthday photos he managed to graze his face. Does it make me a bad Mummy if I say I have no idea at all how he did it? There was no tears, and one minute it wasn’t there and the next it was.

As you can see from this photo he was a poorly little boy on his birthday :(


His actually birthday morning was quiet and like any other morning, I was desperate for it to be 10:30 and for husband to get up so we could open his presents. 10:30 arrived and R was fast asleep, so I set up his presents, banners and balloons much to J’s excitement. Once R woke up we gave him a snack and then encouraged him to get stuck into his presents. He didn’t care at all and didn’t open a single present – he snuck off to steal his brothers kinder egg while J got stuck into ripping open the presents. He got some lovely bits and we had a little play with his toys, he likes to use his activity cube to climb on – I should have foreseen that really since he climbs on everything. It was then time for lunch.

After lunch we took the boys to soft play, where we were meeting three friends and their children. J’s best friend and then two children similar in age to R. Of course R being R he wanted to play with the 2 years olds and was off with his daddy on the big slide. It was a lot of fun playing with the children and catching up with some friends I don’t get to see very often. An added bonus was that soft play was really quiet, so our children had almost free range of the place.  R had a brilliant time and was fast asleep in the two minute drive home. He had a sleep and then my parents and sister came over with more presents for him, just something small as we’d asked for money for his savings account – we just have too many toys already. He played with them before we did the cake – J was incredible impressed with it. Even more impressed with the sweets that were on it and both of them were stealing the sweets before the candle had even been blown out.

It  was a fairly quiet day but lovely none the less, we don’t do parties for the boys because we think it would be completely overwhelming for them and stressful for us. So the next day we took the boys to the sea life centre in Birmingham – R loved it. Pressing his face up against the fish tanks and grinning at them. We let the two of them lose and they loved it, running around and peering into the tanks. It’s so not worth £18 and adult ( I don’t think so anyway) Thankfully we had a two for one voucher. We then went for a wander through the German Christmas markets –R zonked out in the buggy at this point.

We had a lovely couple of family days, I’m still struggling to get my head around the fact that my baby is one and getting less and less baby like every day. He’s definitely a toddler but I am struggling to let go of him being my baby. It's been an incredible year and my love for him grows more each day!