Snowy Fun

I'm not a fan of snow, it may look pretty but it causes all sorts of disruption. Schools closing at the first sign of snow (but let's not get me started on that), abandoned cars.  People falling over on lethal pavements- yes me and yes three days later I'm still in pain. Then that pretty white stuff turns to disgusting muddy slush which is even more dangerous when it freezes.

However I have two children I couldn't hibernate all weekend and ignore it. Last year the boyfriend bought sledges for his two so he suggested we all go out on them. I was a bit of a whimp and didn't want to drive so he came and collected us.  Caldecot park in town looked gorgeous and with all but one side gate locked it was relatively empty with lots of fresh snow.

Four kids and two adults bundled up in a million layers we headed into the park with the sledges. We found a slight hill, it wasn't steep enough for the sledges to work without being pulled. So S and I were running down the hill dragging the children along. Sometimes one, sometimes two on a sledge, good work out. It kept me warm that's for sure and I have to admit I was having lots of fun. Seeing the kids enjoying themselves made it even better.

R wasn't as sure and got fed up and upset, it was snowing constantly and he doesn't like the snow going in his face which was happening going downhill. So he gave up on the sledges and went and sat in the train in the park.

I had a go on the sledge and I pulled S on it. That nearly ended in disaster as I couldn’t run as fast as the sledge was moving and it clipped my ankle and sent me flying.

After about an hour we had a little wander. The kids had a small play on the snow covered park and me and S had a small snow ball fight.  I ended up with snow in my mouth and eyes. Yuk!  It's funny really because if A had done that I'd have been annoyed but with S I just laughed. Amazing how different people doing the same thing can evoke different reactions in you.

The children were getting cold by now, mostly their fingers.  So we trudged back to the car to go home - well to the boyfriends' house. Kids got into their pjs and S popped a chicken in the oven.

Snowy fun, followed by a big family roast dinner. That's what weekends are meant to be about. Laughter and fun times all together. They are the kind of weekends I always imagined but never used to have. Our 'family' set up may not be the ideal but we are having such a good time together that it doesn't matter.

Keep believing...

...Keep trying. Be happy. Don't get discouraged, things will work out."

This is going to be my moto this year because if last year taught me anything it taught me that things will work out no matter how hard they get. I already know this year is going to have some tough times but this is because I can no longer ignore certain things. However despite this I'm planning on making it a fun and positive year because as the saying goes life's too short to be miserable.

To start the year I am joining in January joy over at http://www.florencefinds.com/january-joy-2/ I won't be doing them in any particular order and I may not do them all but I am going to try and do as many as possible. I am pleased to say that I have already completed a handful. I am planning on doing a blog at the end of the month with more details on the ones I have accomplished. Or I may do a couple of posts and split it down, I haven't decided yet.

Changes!

It's that time of years when we all look back on what we've done and think about any resolutions we want to make for the following year. I was going to do a month by month look back over the year and I did start to write it but each month seemed to feature heavily with my new relationship. So basically I'm just going to give a recap of how my life has changed in the last 12 months.

My life this time last year was massively different to how it is now. The beginning of last year brought about one of the hardest decisions I have ever made – I broke up with my husband. I didn't hate him, I still don’t but I am 100% happier now than I was. He's a good guy, just not the guy for me. Almost immediately I met someone else, I already knew him. He's my boss, I can honestly say I never once saw him as anything other than my boss and a nice guy. I'm not going to go into all the details of how we got together, basically I blurted out my marriage problems to him and it went from there. We talked and talked and now almost a year later we are still together.

Without a doubt S is the BEST thing to happen to me in 2012 – every day I swear I love him more. We've tackled telling the exes, telling our directors. We've been on a big family holiday with all four of our kids and we've been away for a long weekend just the two of us. It's all been pretty perfect. We are quite similar, although completely different at the same time. He makes me more confident and helps to stop me stressing when I get on my high horse about things. We conclude that we make a good team and our similar approach to parenting definitely helps. He's sweet and caring and makes me feel incredibly loved.  He does things like post a present through my door (which he schemed with my friend about) and writes me messages in pasta.

A moved out in April (I think – possibly May), we'd been split up for a while and it got increasingly harder being in the same house. It was a huge relief when he finally moved, but at the same time it was incredibly scary. I worried about the finances and just living alone. I'm not alone I have my boys, but it’s the first time I haven’t lived with another adult. I have survived, granted I have had my dad round to unblock my bath. S over to go into my loft and A to fix my curtain pole. I have done lots myself though, I decorated my whole kitchen alone. I never used to cook previously, but I haven't killed anyone yet and actually I can cook. It's been good for me to have my independence.

My boys turned two and three and are growing into such amazing little boys. Since going to preschool J has gained in confidence and is less shy around people, his memory and ability to learn new things amazes me daily. R is a cheeky little monkey, who could get away with murder with his cheeky little smile. He's a complete little chatter box and his imagination is amazing He's so different to J at that age, who was quiet and barely spoke at all. They are the best of friends but can fight like cat and dog, but will always stick up for each other. I love them so bloody much!

Family Holiday

Well some of you may know, I went on holiday for six nights with S and all our children. It was something that was discussed greatly with everyone that it would affect before we made the decision. Right up until the moment we left I was nervous – it was a big step. The longest the six of us have ever spent together is a day. I have never slept over at S's house when he has his kids, so it was going to be completely new and different for all of us.

Lots could have gone wrong but it didn't. Everything went better than either of us could have expected, we didn't really do anything exciting we were all just more than happy having a wander together. The children behaved brilliantly (90% of the time), they all got on and played lovely together. Especially 3year old and 5 year old – they got on great and it was lovely to watch them together, playing and sharing.

Myself and S – well everything so far in our relationship has gone smoothly, we've never fought or argued yet. I've had a small strop at him but it lasted all of ten minutes. We knew this holiday was going to be a big test, being together 24 hours a day for 7 days. It's hard to spend that much time with anyone without them getting on your nerves. Especially for me, as I am easily annoyed by people in general. We never fell out, we never had a cross word – everything was perfect.

The thought of spending a week with four children was a daunting prospect – even more so because two of them are not my children. We were under no illusions that it was going to be easy but strangely it was. I found it easier the six of us than I do at times with just me and my two alone. It wasn't hard work and it didn't feel like an extra effort. Myself and S worked together brilliantly, we seem to make a very good team. Parenting in a similar way to, which meant the children knew exactly where they stood with us which in turn made it easier for everyone.  

In conclusion we have both said we would do it again!

Since returning on Friday I have spent Friday and Saturday evening with S as neither of us had our children. Tonight is the first night in 8 nights that I will be away from him and I hate it. I miss him even more than I thought I would. It's back to our Tuesday evenings and every other Friday. One night a week just doesn’t feel enough any more – but there is nothing I can do about that and it's probably going to be this way for a very very long time. I will just have to try and get used to it again.

Romance

Romance is a funny old thing isn't it? Every girl likes a bit of romance right? Well I know I do. It doesn't have to be huge romantic gestures like roof top, candle lit dinners – although one of these would definitely not go a miss. He'd do well out of it too, I reckon I'd reward him well, if you catch my drift. This however is pretty much likely to never happen and that's fine, I can live with that – just about!

It's the small romantic gestures that mean the most to me, the little things that show they are thinking about you. Like olbas oil on a tissue shoved in your face the moment you wake up – who says romance is dead? Okay that wasn't exactly romantic but it was quite sweet, I'd struggled to sleep all night as I couldn't breathe through my nose. So he came to my rescue… I did wonder for a moment when the tissue was shoved against my face whether he was trying to suffocate me. I was pleased to know that he wasn't.

One thing that I remember well was one evening he'd been to a gig in Birmingham and I had been to my friend's house. I agreed to go back to his afterwards and he gave me a key to let myself in. I didn't get back as late as I thought and was in need of a cup of tea. In the kitchen I found MY mug - (He bought it for me to keep at his as he thought his white ones weren't girlie enough for me…see cute.) with a biscuit in and 'I Luv u' wrote in pasta. I literally went awww out loud. It's probably one of the cutest things a guy has done for me. I'm easily pleased aren't I? When I went upstairs there was a bag hanging on the end of the bed, and a cute note on it – which I won't repeat as it was partly mushy partly rude. In the bag was a selection of little treats. Love hearts because he loves me etc.

It's things like that that I find the most romantic, the small unexpected little gestures. The ones that put a smile on your face and let you know that they are thinking about you. The little texts that come at exactly the right moment, with the words you need to get you through the day. It doesn't have to be huge bunches of flowers or romantic meals out.

Am I easily pleased? Or do you all think it's the little things too?

Birthdays

Birthdays

Birthdays change a lot with age, at least in my experience they do.

We go from being too young to really understand what's going on - first birthdays, sometimes even second birthdays. Then birthdays are exciting.

My eldest was 3 on his birthday and although he doesn't completely understand them he knows its about cake and presents and it's exciting. He gets excited about anyone's birthday and likes to join in the opening of presents. Often he talks about his birthday even though it was back in June, his monkey cake (that i made) gets the most mentions, he was definitely impressed with it.

 Then we reach an age where birthdays are just another day, it can still be exciting if you have someone to make a fuss of you but it's still not quite the same. You can't ignore the things you have to do with the day.

Today is my birthday my *coughs* 28th  birthday. It's just any other day. I woke up and had cuddles with my boys and told them 'its mummies birthday.' J asked if he could see my birthday and I wasn't sure what he meant. That is until his excitement to go downstairs, then the look of disappointment on his face followed by ' mummy where's your birthday?' I actually cried at his disappointment. On his birthday he came down to a pile of presents on the rug, balloons and banners and I think he was expecting the same for my birthday. I did have something to open, a little something from my sister and my mum and a few cards. Which the boys took great pleasure in handing to me and eagerly inspecting the bracelet and chocolates. Then it was time  to get on with nappy changing, breakfast making and washing the dishes. I've also since stripped the beds and put away my ironing and later I will be going to work. So it's pretty much just any other day.

Tonight I will be seeing S and I am looking forward to it a lot, we are not doing anything though probably just watching Eastenders or something. (We are going out for food when he's feeling better. ) I don't care I'm just looking forward to a cuddle and a happy birthday from him.

It's the  first birthday I've ever woke without another adult around. First parents and then A, both who would make a small fuss and hand me gifts or whatever. I'm not the kind of person who really cares about birthdays anyway, I don't feel the need to have big celebrations and as long as I get to spend it with someone I love it's fine. It is weird though. J has said happy birthday to me a few times and its very sweet, I didn't get the monkey cake with candles he told me he was going to make me though. Although I think at three he an be forgiven for not baking...

So birthdays as a adult...as a single mum are nothing special, nothing out of the ordinary, just any other day.

Starting preschool

J started preschool or nursery depending on what it's called in your area last week. I spoke to him about it lots in the weeks coming up to him starting. He would occasionally ask questions and seemed excited about going. However in the few days before he was due to start, he suddenly started to tell me that he didn't want to go. This sent me into a slight panic, but I kept reminding him of all the fun things he would get to do. 

His fear of going stemmed from using the toilet, he won't attempt to use the toilet alone unless there is a training seat on it. We have to lift him on, hold him and them lift him off. He seems scared and it's not something I want to push as I don't want to put him off going completely. 

His first day I took him, even though it's his dad that mostly takes him and collects him as I am at work. One of the first things he asked me when we arrived was to show him the 'big boys toilets.' I explained to his teacher his concerns and she told me they have a potty, so he's been using that. We have had once accident and one situation where he refused to get off the potty and stayed on their 20 minutes until A arrived to collect him. Other than this he seems to be enjoying it completely.

He got stuck right in painting on his first day, and then when I left half an hour later he was playing outside and couldn't care less that I was leaving. He has never been left with anyone before, other than his grandparents, my sister and my niece. He's very shy generally with new people, but he didn't seem fazed and has gone happily for the past week. 

For the past few evenings he has been telling me that he's done cooking, I highly doubted he had then when each day he said 'I've cooked an egg,' I was left confused. Turns out he's been pretending to cook eggs on the toy cooker. I have no idea what else he's been up to as that's all I've managed to get out of him.

Relief and happiness fills me, I would hate to think that he was upset being there. Or leaving him with tears would be horrible