The year so far

So we are what a month and a half into the year and already it's been more emotional and stressful than I would have liked.

January consisted of me making a huge decision about my life, which will effect me and the children quite a lot. I then decided my decision was too big and too scary and had a mini meltdown. Tears, sobs and snot...it wasn't pleasant or attractive. Luckily S handled it all very well...I guess he passed some sort of test there. So since major decision making I've kind of ignored it again, it's always there lingering in my mind and I know I need to start doing things to make it happen but for now I'm leaving it at the back of my mind. Taking it slow and allowing myself time to come to terms with it all.

February left me feeling hurt, upset, angry, pissed off and unable to trust. A mixture of all these emotions which ended in me getting drunk and crying. I seem to be making a habit of crying this year. I cried on my friend in the play cafe, I cried on S in asda, cried on S numerous times at my house and then cried at his party. It's not good or pretty and it's not how I want to be. I'm strong and I can cope but this year it's all got to me.

It hasn't all been stressful and full of tears though. There has also been illnesses all round and bad news. Mixed in with all this though there has been lots of brilliant times, laughter, fun, cuddles and loveliness. Being with my two (tantrums aside), S and his children make all the rubbish more bearable. The cuddles, the kisses and the I love you's never fail to put a smile on my face, no matter what else is going on. If any of the people I love wrap their arms around me and tells me they love me it puts everything else into perspective.

January Joy

We are already a week into February so I am a bit late getting this post written, but we began this month with a house full of illness which everyone hasn’t completely recovered from yet.

I didn’t manage as many from the list as I hoped I would, probably because I spent a large chunk of January stressed and emotional.

Anyway this is what I have achieved…

Make some resolutions
I'm not very big on New Years resolutions, I figure if we want to change we should be able to do it at any point in the year. I have however decided there are a few things I want to do this year.
1. Remove of makeup each night, I am completely rubbish at taking my makeup off and more often than not sleep with my makeup. Which is not only bad for my skin but bad for my white bedding. So I'm going to make an effort to remove it each night.
2. Start to sort out my seemingly impossible house situation. I'm under no illusions that it will be sorted in 2013 but I need to begin looking into it, making decisions and taking some action. Until it is sorted I am unable to get a divorce and while the house is hanging over my head I can't completely move on with my life


Have a dry week/Month
A month used to be easy to manage, but I seem to drink the odd glass of wine much more frequently that I used to. Probably because I have someone to share a bottle with. I however did manage a dry week at the very beginning of the month.


Plan or go on a date
We have date nights every other Friday but they've not really worked out so far this year. So we have set a date this month to go out for a meal, we don't do this very often so I am looking forward to it a lot.


Take a crisp winter walk
New Year's Day, S, my kids and me headed to Draycote water for a walk. I'm not sure you can class the very short distance we went a walk, however we played with bubbles and had fun. Later the same day the four of us wrapped up and took a walk to the park.

Overhaul your skin care
This was partly my New Years resolution anyway. I have been using body shop 
vitamin E cleanser alternated with some cheap face wipes, because I can't afford to use the body shop cleanser permanently. Also using the vitamin E moisturiser which I absolutely love, it's brilliant and not greasy like some I have used in the past.


Plan a getaway
When we returned from our family holiday last year the ex suggested we both have the kids for a week this year allowing the other person a chance to get away or just have a break. So of course I'd have been rude not to snap up this opportunity. The first chance we got S and I headed to the travel agent and booked ourselves an all-inclusive trip to Tunisia in June. For both of us the last holiday like that with no children was our honeymoons, so for him an incredibly long time ago. We both may be just a tad excited.

Go to the cinema
On the 5th I joined S and his kids on their trip to the cinema. We watched Madagascar 3. I love the Saturday morning kids films for £1, it's a shame you have to take a child along to be allowed in. I'm a cheap date me.


Read a new book
This is an easy one for me as I am always reading. I have actually read four new books.


Get a haircut or try a wash in colour
I really wanted to go for a haircut as I haven’t had one in nearly a year… how bad is that? It never panned out and lack of time and funds had me reaching for a home hair dye instead. I chose a dark brown and I love it, however its fading out far to quickly.


Have a clear out
I cleared all the baby clothes out of my loft, was a bit emotional but it needed to be done. Some of them have been up their almost two years. My niece took a bagful and the rest I took down to cash for clothes and got almost a tenner it for. Following on from my sort out of baby clothes, S came over and we spent a couple of hours having a major toy sort out. I think I got rid of roughly 40-50% of their toys. Wasn't an easy task but I was completely ruthless. My lounge and their bedroom look much better for it and they still have loads of toys. Toys which they actually seem to play with a bit more now.

Do something/go somewhere you've never been
I tried out a new cafe in town. It is called the play cafe and is designed around mums with small children. It was brilliant. Reasonably priced, clean perfect for the children. Me and my friend got to enjoy a coffee and a chat while the children played. There was dressing up clothes, a toy kitchen, all sorts. None of them wanted to leave.

I also made my first ever roast dinner which was a success and went sledging for the first time


Make something naughty to eat
While the kids were with their dad and it was too cold and snowy to want to leave my house I baked some chocolate orange cupcakes. They were delicious and gone almost instantly.

Re-evaluate 
Half way through the month everyone got a bit to much more me and I ended up having some sort of meltdown at 11pm and crying all over S, then waking the next morning and continuing to cry. S didn’t know what had come over me and if I'm honest I don’t know where it came from either. A build-up of everything over the past year and it all just got to me probably. I've decided I need to put less pressure on myself and take things slowly. Make sure the decisions I am making are right for me and my boys, not only thst make sure the timings are right. I will get where I need to be, but I need to realise it doesn't have to be right this instant. When the time comes I know I will have the support I need.7 So what did January Joy teach me? I guess that you can achieve more than you think in a month if you just put your mind to it. Small steps, small achievements can make you feel as good as the big ones. I'm going to try and continue with the same attitude for the rest of the year…wonder how I will get on. 

x