The year so far

So we are what a month and a half into the year and already it's been more emotional and stressful than I would have liked.

January consisted of me making a huge decision about my life, which will effect me and the children quite a lot. I then decided my decision was too big and too scary and had a mini meltdown. Tears, sobs and snot...it wasn't pleasant or attractive. Luckily S handled it all very well...I guess he passed some sort of test there. So since major decision making I've kind of ignored it again, it's always there lingering in my mind and I know I need to start doing things to make it happen but for now I'm leaving it at the back of my mind. Taking it slow and allowing myself time to come to terms with it all.

February left me feeling hurt, upset, angry, pissed off and unable to trust. A mixture of all these emotions which ended in me getting drunk and crying. I seem to be making a habit of crying this year. I cried on my friend in the play cafe, I cried on S in asda, cried on S numerous times at my house and then cried at his party. It's not good or pretty and it's not how I want to be. I'm strong and I can cope but this year it's all got to me.

It hasn't all been stressful and full of tears though. There has also been illnesses all round and bad news. Mixed in with all this though there has been lots of brilliant times, laughter, fun, cuddles and loveliness. Being with my two (tantrums aside), S and his children make all the rubbish more bearable. The cuddles, the kisses and the I love you's never fail to put a smile on my face, no matter what else is going on. If any of the people I love wrap their arms around me and tells me they love me it puts everything else into perspective.