I’ve been thinking a little over the past couple of days about what I can see myself doing and part of me would like to work with children. Either a childminder as I get to stay home and look after my own babies at the same time, or an infant school teacher. I can find negatives with both though, so does that mean neither are the career for me? It’s just so difficult and it involves some risk taking and I’m not too good at that. I've too much to risk, I have a job it brings in money - leaving it would be scary.
I decided to take an online career test to find out my ‘ideal’ career and they came up with a list. None of them jumped out at me and said ‘yes I want to do this.’ My dream job would be a novelist, but that would involve an original idea and decent writing skill. Neither which I have.
This is what they came up with:
• Artist ( I can’t draw)
• Historian (I hate history)
• Banker (I’d be bored)
• Novelist (dream job)
• University Professor (not smart enough)
• Photographer (Not got a creative eye)
• Vet (Animals scare me a little)
• Paralegal (what?)
• Graphic Designer (rubbish at design)
• Online Content Developer (Sounds a bit boring)
• Webmaster (Don’t know anything about it)
• Producer (Film producer working with Johnny Depp ... Yes please)
• Managing Director (No thanks)
• Nutritionist (No thanks)
• Advertising (not for me)
• Nursing (Hate blood and sick)
So that leaves me back at square one. No life changing ideas have happened upon me yet. Maybe I’ll just stick with being a mummy, it’s easier.
Monday, 10 January 2011
Sunday, 9 January 2011
One day...
One day i'll have an outfit that is complete WITHOUT snot, sick or dribble.
One day I'll be able to go to the toilet alone.
One day I'll be able to eat chocolate without hiding.
One day I won't have to wipe sticky fingers off everything.
One day I'll be able to have an undisturbed bath.
BUT
One day I won't wake up to two beautiful smiling boys.
One day I won't be the centre of their lives.
One day they'll stop curling up in my arms and drifting to sleep.
One day I won't hear the sound of their laughter in the mornings.
One day they'll go out and live their own lives without me and I'll be craving these days.
One day I'll be able to go to the toilet alone.
One day I'll be able to eat chocolate without hiding.
One day I won't have to wipe sticky fingers off everything.
One day I'll be able to have an undisturbed bath.
BUT
One day I won't wake up to two beautiful smiling boys.
One day I won't be the centre of their lives.
One day they'll stop curling up in my arms and drifting to sleep.
One day I won't hear the sound of their laughter in the mornings.
One day they'll go out and live their own lives without me and I'll be craving these days.
Tuesday, 4 January 2011
Looking Forward...
New year’s tend to start with resolutions, most which are barely kept till the end of January. I gave up making resolutions a long time ago, I never kept them anyway and if we want to make changes we shouldn't need to wait till the calendar ticks over to another year. We should do because the time is right.
However there are a few things I'd like to achieve or do this year so I thought I'd write them down as a little reminder. Something to look back on in a few months.
1. Be the best mummy I can possibly be to my boys. It's not always easy, some days it too easy to get cross especially after a bad night’s sleep. But I promise myself that I will try, it’s not their fault.
2. Write more. I've enjoyed writing for years, I don't claim to be any good at it but I don't care. It's my escape. Over the past few months writing has taken a back bench and I really want to get back into it. Both stories and blogging. I'm struggling for ideas for both at the moment so if anyone has suggestions please comment. I have no idea who reads my blog, but if there are certain types of posts you prefer more than others please let me know. Or if there is anything you’d like me to babble about... I’m open to ideas.
3. Think long and hard about what I want to do with my life. Is being a mummy and working a boring admin job enough. Sometimes I think it is, other times I'm not so sure. I view my work as an ends to a means, helps to pay the bills and put money on the table and that’s about it. I sometimes think my job should be more fulfilling, satisfying, but being a Mummy is sometimes enough. There is nothing more satisfying than being with my boys. Studying appeals to me one day, not so much others. I completely enjoyed the short fiction course I did last year, and would like to do something similar again. I'm not likely to make any life changing decisions but I need to think about it.
4. Lose weight, nothing drastic and I'm not going to utter the 'D' word because the mere mention of it makes me want to reach for the nearest bar of chocolate. I just want to make more of a conscious effort to eat healthy and if I can manage it do some exercise. Even if it's just walks with the kids, I want to be happy be with the way I look.
I think that's about it. There are probably a million things I could write down that I want to do or change but I know realistically I'm never gonna manage it. So it’s pointless writing a huge list of things, because when I look back it will only depress me that I’ve achieved none of them.
However there are a few things I'd like to achieve or do this year so I thought I'd write them down as a little reminder. Something to look back on in a few months.
1. Be the best mummy I can possibly be to my boys. It's not always easy, some days it too easy to get cross especially after a bad night’s sleep. But I promise myself that I will try, it’s not their fault.
2. Write more. I've enjoyed writing for years, I don't claim to be any good at it but I don't care. It's my escape. Over the past few months writing has taken a back bench and I really want to get back into it. Both stories and blogging. I'm struggling for ideas for both at the moment so if anyone has suggestions please comment. I have no idea who reads my blog, but if there are certain types of posts you prefer more than others please let me know. Or if there is anything you’d like me to babble about... I’m open to ideas.
3. Think long and hard about what I want to do with my life. Is being a mummy and working a boring admin job enough. Sometimes I think it is, other times I'm not so sure. I view my work as an ends to a means, helps to pay the bills and put money on the table and that’s about it. I sometimes think my job should be more fulfilling, satisfying, but being a Mummy is sometimes enough. There is nothing more satisfying than being with my boys. Studying appeals to me one day, not so much others. I completely enjoyed the short fiction course I did last year, and would like to do something similar again. I'm not likely to make any life changing decisions but I need to think about it.
4. Lose weight, nothing drastic and I'm not going to utter the 'D' word because the mere mention of it makes me want to reach for the nearest bar of chocolate. I just want to make more of a conscious effort to eat healthy and if I can manage it do some exercise. Even if it's just walks with the kids, I want to be happy be with the way I look.
I think that's about it. There are probably a million things I could write down that I want to do or change but I know realistically I'm never gonna manage it. So it’s pointless writing a huge list of things, because when I look back it will only depress me that I’ve achieved none of them.
Monday, 3 January 2011
Looking back
2010 is drawing to a close, (well it was when i started writing) another year has passed by. We're all another year older but not necessarily wiser.
2010 has had it's ups and it's downs, but thankfully there has been decidedly more ups. I fancied having a little recap of the year ao here goes..
January must have been a quiet month, I can't remember anything of any significance happening. Then again after the madness of Christmas a quiet month was proberly needed. Wait I went back to work for a few days this month, my keeping in touch days - breaking me gently into working life again.
February took pretty much the same shape as january. What would have been a boring two months if not for my son who prevents anything from getting to boring.
March I found out I was pregnant again. I had an 8 month old and i was pregnant, that possibly made me insane. I was extrememly excited and extrememly scared. I was going to have two babies 17months apart. I also returned to work this month and was somewhat dreading having to break the news to them so soon.
April was Ant's thirtieth and we jetted off to Egypt for a week to celebrate. One week turned into two as the volcanic eruption grounded flights. Thankfully our travel company footed the bill so we got an all inclusive week free - it wasn't easy to relax and enjoy though as we could have been called to fly at any point.
May was the eagerly anticipated month of my 12 week scan. Nerves overtook excitement until the moment we saw our little squid wriggling around. We'd made it to that all important week, second trimester was about to be entered and we could share our exciting news. Unfortunately reactions were mixed but we didn't let it bring us down.
May was westlife month, a night in London and a weekend in Manchester with wonderful friends.
Also my baby took his first steps at ten and half months old, making me a proud mummy.
June was my baby's 1st birthday, it was scary how fast time had gone. He was no longer a baby but a toddler with his own personality. We celebrated with a trip to the zoo and much fun was had.
July we found out we were to have another boy, confirming what I already suspected. A little brother and play mate for J.
Ant got to drive a lambourghini this month (his 30th birthday gift from me) was fun to watch and even more enjoyable for him to actually do. We made it into a day out and spent the afternoon in the park.
A good friend gave birth to her little boy, a new playmate for my boys.
August must have been another quiet month, as I have no memory of it what so ever.
September I had a brief visit from one of my best friends, she was over in England from Germany for the weekend. So made the trek up to see a heavily pregnant me.
October I turned 21.... I wish! Anyway I had a quiet birthday, being heavily pregnant and having a toddler hardly allowed for a rock n roll birthday. I made it up to visit my friend in Leeds the weekend before my birthday, just me and the little one. We chatted, ate and was generally lazy..was exactly what I needed.
I also finished work, maternity leave started at the end of the month meaning there was three weeks to go to the big day.
November the best month of the year, I welcomed my little boy into the world a mere 3 days late (see my birth story blog)
The three weeks leading up to his birth were insanely slow, the last week of the month went insanely fast.
December passed in a daze of dirty nappies (2 lots), sleepless nights and illnesses. And of course Christmas which was insane and brilliantly fun. My best Christmas by far!
I'm looking forward to 2011 and everything it brings. Am hoping for a quieter year.. No babies this year. I've spent portions of the last 3 years pregnant! 21 months of being pregnant in total over 2008/2009 & 2010, it's more than enough for a few years...
2010 has had it's ups and it's downs, but thankfully there has been decidedly more ups. I fancied having a little recap of the year ao here goes..
January must have been a quiet month, I can't remember anything of any significance happening. Then again after the madness of Christmas a quiet month was proberly needed. Wait I went back to work for a few days this month, my keeping in touch days - breaking me gently into working life again.
February took pretty much the same shape as january. What would have been a boring two months if not for my son who prevents anything from getting to boring.
March I found out I was pregnant again. I had an 8 month old and i was pregnant, that possibly made me insane. I was extrememly excited and extrememly scared. I was going to have two babies 17months apart. I also returned to work this month and was somewhat dreading having to break the news to them so soon.
April was Ant's thirtieth and we jetted off to Egypt for a week to celebrate. One week turned into two as the volcanic eruption grounded flights. Thankfully our travel company footed the bill so we got an all inclusive week free - it wasn't easy to relax and enjoy though as we could have been called to fly at any point.
May was the eagerly anticipated month of my 12 week scan. Nerves overtook excitement until the moment we saw our little squid wriggling around. We'd made it to that all important week, second trimester was about to be entered and we could share our exciting news. Unfortunately reactions were mixed but we didn't let it bring us down.
May was westlife month, a night in London and a weekend in Manchester with wonderful friends.
Also my baby took his first steps at ten and half months old, making me a proud mummy.
June was my baby's 1st birthday, it was scary how fast time had gone. He was no longer a baby but a toddler with his own personality. We celebrated with a trip to the zoo and much fun was had.
July we found out we were to have another boy, confirming what I already suspected. A little brother and play mate for J.
Ant got to drive a lambourghini this month (his 30th birthday gift from me) was fun to watch and even more enjoyable for him to actually do. We made it into a day out and spent the afternoon in the park.
A good friend gave birth to her little boy, a new playmate for my boys.
August must have been another quiet month, as I have no memory of it what so ever.
September I had a brief visit from one of my best friends, she was over in England from Germany for the weekend. So made the trek up to see a heavily pregnant me.
October I turned 21.... I wish! Anyway I had a quiet birthday, being heavily pregnant and having a toddler hardly allowed for a rock n roll birthday. I made it up to visit my friend in Leeds the weekend before my birthday, just me and the little one. We chatted, ate and was generally lazy..was exactly what I needed.
I also finished work, maternity leave started at the end of the month meaning there was three weeks to go to the big day.
November the best month of the year, I welcomed my little boy into the world a mere 3 days late (see my birth story blog)
The three weeks leading up to his birth were insanely slow, the last week of the month went insanely fast.
December passed in a daze of dirty nappies (2 lots), sleepless nights and illnesses. And of course Christmas which was insane and brilliantly fun. My best Christmas by far!
I'm looking forward to 2011 and everything it brings. Am hoping for a quieter year.. No babies this year. I've spent portions of the last 3 years pregnant! 21 months of being pregnant in total over 2008/2009 & 2010, it's more than enough for a few years...
Thursday, 23 December 2010
Germs, germs, germs...
I'm sick of them; I've had more than enough. I want to behave like a toddler; stamp my feet and scream till I get my own way. Except I know full well that tantrums don't work so I'm just going to have to ride it out.
As you know from my last blog and endless updates on Twitter and facebook my toddler has been really poorly. We thought he was getting over it last week when he ate but it took a few more days for him to be back to himself. Even now coming up to two weeks later he's not 100%.
Baby has a small cold now, he started sounded all snuffly with a blocked nose and then he got a temperature. Which made me worry; I couldn't have him getting as ill as his brother. Coughing followed so I decided to give NHS direct a quick call. They agree it sounded like a cold but because he's only four weeks old they advised me to take him to see our GP.
We managed to get an appointment that evening, which in itself was a pain in the neck. He wasn't yet registered which is a joke since they have sent me his appointment for his 6week check up. Anyway the stupid receptionist told me I should have registered him the day before I wanted the appointment. Well sorry for not being able to see into the future and knowing I'd need it.
Anyway off we went and I got to see a lovely Irish doctor. He did all the checks. Temperature was raised, breathing was too fast then he fetched a nurse to bring a machine to check oxygen levels. Next thing I know he's telling me to go to children’s A&E. What? Why? Is he okay? A million questions I couldn't even manage to ask floating around my head. I half listened as they told me where to go and to get someone to meet me there. Then he considered getting us an ambulance but decided it'd be faster for me to just go straight there. Ambulance and talking’s of the possibility of him being kept in scared me to death. Resulting in me crying at the lovely doctor. He redressed Riley, walked me out making sure I was okay.
Quick call to the hubby and my sister, who said she'd bring hubby to me and let my parents know. Luckily Joshua was with them.
Over Three and a half hours after arriving, a normal doctor and a senior consultant we are discharged. It was just a cold. I was majorly relieved, colds I can handle. Oh and an eye infection which is clearing up already but it's a two man job trying to get the ointment in his eyes.
Hubby is also ill, I had a runny nose for a few days but got away lucky. Just as well as it's not possible to sit and feel sorry for myself.
My Christmas wish is that we enter the new year as a healthy germ free
family. Wishing for it for Christmas is to tall an order.
As you know from my last blog and endless updates on Twitter and facebook my toddler has been really poorly. We thought he was getting over it last week when he ate but it took a few more days for him to be back to himself. Even now coming up to two weeks later he's not 100%.
Baby has a small cold now, he started sounded all snuffly with a blocked nose and then he got a temperature. Which made me worry; I couldn't have him getting as ill as his brother. Coughing followed so I decided to give NHS direct a quick call. They agree it sounded like a cold but because he's only four weeks old they advised me to take him to see our GP.
We managed to get an appointment that evening, which in itself was a pain in the neck. He wasn't yet registered which is a joke since they have sent me his appointment for his 6week check up. Anyway the stupid receptionist told me I should have registered him the day before I wanted the appointment. Well sorry for not being able to see into the future and knowing I'd need it.
Anyway off we went and I got to see a lovely Irish doctor. He did all the checks. Temperature was raised, breathing was too fast then he fetched a nurse to bring a machine to check oxygen levels. Next thing I know he's telling me to go to children’s A&E. What? Why? Is he okay? A million questions I couldn't even manage to ask floating around my head. I half listened as they told me where to go and to get someone to meet me there. Then he considered getting us an ambulance but decided it'd be faster for me to just go straight there. Ambulance and talking’s of the possibility of him being kept in scared me to death. Resulting in me crying at the lovely doctor. He redressed Riley, walked me out making sure I was okay.
Quick call to the hubby and my sister, who said she'd bring hubby to me and let my parents know. Luckily Joshua was with them.
Over Three and a half hours after arriving, a normal doctor and a senior consultant we are discharged. It was just a cold. I was majorly relieved, colds I can handle. Oh and an eye infection which is clearing up already but it's a two man job trying to get the ointment in his eyes.
Hubby is also ill, I had a runny nose for a few days but got away lucky. Just as well as it's not possible to sit and feel sorry for myself.
My Christmas wish is that we enter the new year as a healthy germ free
family. Wishing for it for Christmas is to tall an order.
Friday, 17 December 2010
Cheese spread makes me happy
Never thought I'd say that, it is a slightly random statement. But a cheese spread sandwich put a smile on my face today. Joshua hasn't eaten anything since Saturday, apart from the odd nibble on things. It's a long time with no food, so when he sat down an gobbled 2 slices of bread and cheese spread I was seriously happy. It means my poorly baby is finally on the mend.
It's been a rough week, visit to doctors, endless snot (which he likes to wipe on my clothes...eww), calpol which he started to refuse. Can't blame him medicine everyday isn't pleasant even if it is strawberry flavoured. He's slept and slept and slept some more. Crashing out on me, the sofa, in his high chair and even on the laminate floor. You've gotta be shattered to sleep on a hard floor, but sleep is good and now finally after 5 really bad days he seems to be picking up. Not without sharing his germs with me first though.
It's the first time he's been properly poorly like this. He's had sniffles and been sick but nothing has knocked him like this. I'm sure I'll go through it all again endless time between the two of them.
Here's hoping we're all feeling better this time next week.
It's been a rough week, visit to doctors, endless snot (which he likes to wipe on my clothes...eww), calpol which he started to refuse. Can't blame him medicine everyday isn't pleasant even if it is strawberry flavoured. He's slept and slept and slept some more. Crashing out on me, the sofa, in his high chair and even on the laminate floor. You've gotta be shattered to sleep on a hard floor, but sleep is good and now finally after 5 really bad days he seems to be picking up. Not without sharing his germs with me first though.
It's the first time he's been properly poorly like this. He's had sniffles and been sick but nothing has knocked him like this. I'm sure I'll go through it all again endless time between the two of them.
Here's hoping we're all feeling better this time next week.
Friday, 3 December 2010
The Battle of Wills
Who’s more determined Mummy or toddler? Sometimes I think it’s the toddler, he’s a determined little one I will give him that much, but I have to believe I can win these daily and nightly battles we are currently going through or I’m going to go insane.
Sleep time battles are no fun for anyone, they make the whole household tired and miserable yet there isn’t a great deal you can do about them. Other than ride them out.
I was always adamant that I wouldn’t leave my children to cry it out (CIO), I felt it was cruel and it reminded me of that advert were no one answers the babies cries. Well after trying everything else, and I mean everything else we’ve found ourselves resorting to the CIO method. Controlled crying (CC) worked so well for us in the past, we’d leave J to cry for ten minutes before going back into his room, resettling and repeating as many times as necessary. Would take roughly three nights and he’d be back self settling and sleeping through. This no longer works and if anything makes J even more worked up, his screams going up a gear after we’ve been in and left again.
Tuesday night he went to bed perfectly and we found ourselves breathing a sigh of relief, however it was short lived and a mere fifty minutes later he was awake again. We tried CC for about half an hour but realised it was never going to work. He had extra cuddles, extra stories, plenty of reassurance but nothing was working so in the end we left him to CIO. Two and half hours later there was silence and he was we assumed sleeping. We didn’t dare go back in to check – we didn’t hear from him again until morning.
Wednesday, we decided CIO was the only way to go so at 7pm after half a dozen stories we kissed him and left – cue shouting, stamping feet and banging on the door for an hour. Then silence. Phew we hoped this would be it for the night, but we were never going to be that lucky. At 12:30 and 2:30 we endured another hours worth of protesting before silence again. When 5:30 came round we could deal with it no more and into our bed he came – possibly undoing everything we’d tried to establish. But after enduring so much, as well as waking at different times to feed a newborn I was shattered.
Thursday, he fell asleep mid story but we weren’t hopeful that it could stay that way. So when he woke an hour later we feared the worst, however off we went tucked him back in and he went straight back to sleep. I even managed to creep into his room at 10pm to get some nappies for the baby because stupidly I’d forgotten to get some before I put him to bed and J didn’t even stir. This was too good to be true right? Correct at just gone midnight, when we’d finally managed to settle a windy baby he woke. 45 minutes later and there was silence and we could finally try and get some sleep. 3am we hear him again, but both shattered we didn’t have the energy to go and put him back in his bed so we didn’t and ten minutes later there was silence and we didn’t hear from him again until 7:20.
So I can see the improvement, it makes me feel better about letting him CIO. It breaks my heart but he’s mostly not even crying, because there are rarely any real tears. Here is hoping that tonight there will be improvement again.
Naptimes on the other hand, I don’t even know where to begin. Yesterday we didn’t even try and have one as we were out that that was never going to happen and he was fine without. Today he was showing definite tired signs so as normal daddy takes him for his nap. Always daddy he never naps for Mummy...an hour later we give in and bring him down. How long do you let them CIO for at nap times? I have no clue. I think some google reading is required.
So there was me thinking it was going to be the newborn keeping us up all night, but it’s the toddler. Yes R wakes, but generally, wakes feeds, nappy change and he settles back down. Its tiring and bloody hard work. I’m dreading the husband returning to work already, I have no idea how I am going to cope on my own.
Sleep time battles are no fun for anyone, they make the whole household tired and miserable yet there isn’t a great deal you can do about them. Other than ride them out.
I was always adamant that I wouldn’t leave my children to cry it out (CIO), I felt it was cruel and it reminded me of that advert were no one answers the babies cries. Well after trying everything else, and I mean everything else we’ve found ourselves resorting to the CIO method. Controlled crying (CC) worked so well for us in the past, we’d leave J to cry for ten minutes before going back into his room, resettling and repeating as many times as necessary. Would take roughly three nights and he’d be back self settling and sleeping through. This no longer works and if anything makes J even more worked up, his screams going up a gear after we’ve been in and left again.
Tuesday night he went to bed perfectly and we found ourselves breathing a sigh of relief, however it was short lived and a mere fifty minutes later he was awake again. We tried CC for about half an hour but realised it was never going to work. He had extra cuddles, extra stories, plenty of reassurance but nothing was working so in the end we left him to CIO. Two and half hours later there was silence and he was we assumed sleeping. We didn’t dare go back in to check – we didn’t hear from him again until morning.
Wednesday, we decided CIO was the only way to go so at 7pm after half a dozen stories we kissed him and left – cue shouting, stamping feet and banging on the door for an hour. Then silence. Phew we hoped this would be it for the night, but we were never going to be that lucky. At 12:30 and 2:30 we endured another hours worth of protesting before silence again. When 5:30 came round we could deal with it no more and into our bed he came – possibly undoing everything we’d tried to establish. But after enduring so much, as well as waking at different times to feed a newborn I was shattered.
Thursday, he fell asleep mid story but we weren’t hopeful that it could stay that way. So when he woke an hour later we feared the worst, however off we went tucked him back in and he went straight back to sleep. I even managed to creep into his room at 10pm to get some nappies for the baby because stupidly I’d forgotten to get some before I put him to bed and J didn’t even stir. This was too good to be true right? Correct at just gone midnight, when we’d finally managed to settle a windy baby he woke. 45 minutes later and there was silence and we could finally try and get some sleep. 3am we hear him again, but both shattered we didn’t have the energy to go and put him back in his bed so we didn’t and ten minutes later there was silence and we didn’t hear from him again until 7:20.
So I can see the improvement, it makes me feel better about letting him CIO. It breaks my heart but he’s mostly not even crying, because there are rarely any real tears. Here is hoping that tonight there will be improvement again.
Naptimes on the other hand, I don’t even know where to begin. Yesterday we didn’t even try and have one as we were out that that was never going to happen and he was fine without. Today he was showing definite tired signs so as normal daddy takes him for his nap. Always daddy he never naps for Mummy...an hour later we give in and bring him down. How long do you let them CIO for at nap times? I have no clue. I think some google reading is required.
So there was me thinking it was going to be the newborn keeping us up all night, but it’s the toddler. Yes R wakes, but generally, wakes feeds, nappy change and he settles back down. Its tiring and bloody hard work. I’m dreading the husband returning to work already, I have no idea how I am going to cope on my own.
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