What is it? I’m not sure they exist, what may look perfect from the outside is seldom perfect from the inside. No relationship is free from struggles, fights or issues, it’s the way you handle it and knowing that you want to stay together and make it out the other side that is important.
All around me it seems people’s relationships are falling apart; either people are having babies or splitting up. It seems to come out of the blue, what I thought was a happy perfect relationship obviously wasn’t as happy or perfect as it seemed. It’s very easy to put on an act for other people, but no one knows what goes on behind closed doors. It’s easy to judge but we shouldn’t, everyone’s relationship is different. It set me thinking, are they empowering each other? One person splits up, shows us all that it can be a good think, a positive thing and it sets everyone else thinking. We actually all sat and had a chat about it today, it seems all of us had something to moan about. Proving that no one has that perfect relationship.
Everyone has an idea of what the perfect relationship is, but the reality rarely lives up to it. We all want a relationship with zero pain, we want to share everything equally, be respected, be adored, have no arguments etc etc. It’s an unrealistic approach; no one is perfect therefore how can a relationship be perfect? If you ask a couple who’s been married 50 years if the perfect relationship exists they will tell you no, however strong successful relationships do. Maybe a successful relationship is a perfect one? I don’t know, I certainly don’t have the answers. I’m not even going to pretend my relationship is anything near perfect… it’s merely a work in progress. Compromise plays a bigger part in a relationship than I ever thought it could, sometimes small compromises sometimes big ones. It’s not always easy, sometimes it’s incredibly hard but it’s very important.
Are we fooling ourselves with the idea of the perfect relationship? Is this why relationships break down so easily sometimes? Relationships are hard work, sometimes you need to fight for them but I think you should only keep fighting if you are happy. Life’s too short to be unhappy. It’s never going to be easy walking away from a relationship especially a long term one. It’s got to be even harder once there are kids involved, but we only get one life, one chance of happiness and we can’t let that slip away from us. Ultimately only we can make ourselves happy, it’s foolish to place all our happiness in other people’s hands. It may sound selfish but we have to do what’s right for us, we need to put our happiness first.
So what are your thoughts?
Perfection is what you make it! I believe there is always room for improvement, life would be boring otherwise! Yes life is too short and life is what we make it!
ReplyDeleteIt's the same here - people breaking up or having babies!!!
ReplyDeleteI think it takes a lot if work to make what seems to be the perfect relationship. It needs an awful lot if communication and compromise which I guess some of us are better at than others.
hmmm... I do think things seem rosier from the outside so we all compare our relationships to the front a lot of people put on. Its like your house in a way, speaking for myself, our house is pretty tidy most of the time (OCD Hubby) but when people are coming over we tidy up even more, so any visitors would think its a show home, perfect, where reality is different. When friends are round, even if we are mid row, we seem to be nice and pleasant to everyone and each other.
ReplyDeleteWe compare our reality to others fronts and our expectations are raised.
All relationships have ups and downs, and it takes work, and defo compromise to make things tick along. Sometimes we have to face reality - some relationships just don't work.
You've hit the nail on the head there I think. We definitely do compare ourselves to others and it's amazing how normal you can act even when things are rubbish.
ReplyDeleteI just found your blog entry while googling for my book title of the same name and thought I'd comment as this issue is so close to my heart. You're right, I believe there's no such thing as a perfect relationship in the sense that most of us understand the word 'perfect'. You might be interested in the material in my book, which is about using your relationship and the challenges which will inevitably arise in it, as a tool for your and your partner's personal growth - and the growth of your relationship. If you do that, you'll realise that the difficulties in relationships are in fact wonderful opportunities, just like the difficulites with child-raising also extend us as parents and enable us as well as our children to grow as people. Too many people leave perfectly good relationships in the pursuit of something easy - but everything worthwhile in life requires effort! All the best, Astra (book is on my web site www.astraniedra.com if you're interested.)
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