Co-Sleeping

I wrote this post over a year ago originally, it was posted on my old blog but I thought it was something that would be suited to this blog. So I’ve just updated it slightly to include R.

Would you? Wouldn’t you?

Before J was born I swore I would never have him in my bed at night time, especially when he was tiny. Fear of rolling on him or suffocating him, made the thought impossible. However when he was a few weeks old he was in my bed every night and I thought nothing of it. I co-slept to protect my sanity; Joshua fed every two hours day and night. That was two hours from the start of the feed not the end – so feeding him, then trying to get him back into his own bed took time and I felt like the living dead. So into my bed he came, we fed lying down and went back to sleep when we were. Some woman can even sleep while their babies are feeding, that HAS to be a benefit right? Yet people are quick to criticize. People always say ‘You need to cut that habit out NOW, or he will never leave.’

At 8 months he was still sleeping in our bed for part of the night every night – but we all slept better and enjoyed co-sleeping so what’s the problem? He eventually slept through the night and sleeps 12 hours in his own room – just as well because we needed room in our bed for R. I think from day one R was in our bed –snuggled in his sleeping bag next to his mummy. He turns his head, takes his food and goes back to sleep. Perfect.

Many co-sleeping parents report that their children become willing to leave, with little or no persuasion, on their own around age two or three, as they mature physically, emotionally and cognitively. These families also report that there are many ways to help children find their own sleeping space. Co-sleeping families tend not to see things in terms of habits that need to be broken, but as patterns that can be established, but that continually evolve and change. For co-sleeping families, laying the foundation for security and closeness takes precedence over early independence.
It’s true isn’t it? How many 16 year olds still share the bed with the parents? None - exactly. I always had faith that J would sleep in his own room when he was ready and he did at about 10 months. He began sleeping longer and longer, and now only comes in with us when he’s poorly or if he wakes up too early for me to get up. If my babies want to be close to me, need my reassurance then that is what they will get. R can stay in my bed as long as he needs to and I know now from experience that the time will come when he will be ready to sleep alone.

I find too many people want babies to be independent, to sleep through the night on their own from as young as possible. It’s like a competition between some mothers... apparently a friend of a friend’s baby slept through every night from day 1! I am sorry but I don’t believe this, and if it’s true then what the hell? Babies that young need feeding though the night! I got sick of people telling me I had to stop feeding J at night as he didn’t need it, that he was waking up out of habit... but no I was right he wasn’t waking out of habit, he was having a bottle because he was hungry and like I told everyone he would, he stopped having the bottle on his own with no influence from me. So why should co-sleeping be any different?

He’ll suffocate...another popular one! Actually no he won’t if you co-sleep correctly and there is research that has proved co-sleeping reduces the risk of SIDS. Don’t smoke, don’t drink, don’t put baby on a pillow, give baby their own blanket and do not cover them with your duvet...all common sense things really.

Does co-sleeping have any effect on SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome)?
Actually, it appears so! Studies have discovered that in cultures where co-sleeping is a common practice, SIDS rates are at their lowest. Conversely, where co-sleeping is least likely, the rate of SIDS is highest. These two facts have led researchers to suggest a strong link between co-sleeping and lower risk of SIDS. Why? Evidence suggests that some babies may have abnormal sleep patterns, or sleep apnoea, in which, during an unusually deep sleep, they forget to breathe. Co-sleeping may help address this problem via two paths. One is simply that, if a parent is nearby, any disturbances or problems with breathing are more likely to be noticed. Furthermore, evidence also suggests that babies may regulate themselves to the parent's breathing patterns, so simply being close by may also help reduce your baby's SIDS risk.
I found that I was very aware of J’s presence and I still am, the moment he wakes up I wake up. Even when he began to crawl, I didn’t fear that he would fall from the bed as there is no possibility that he could have time to wake up and crawl out of bed before I woke up. I don’t know what it is, perhaps it’s just a mothers instinct?! I’m the same with R, he stirs I wake. Drives me mad sometimes, when he’s just wriggling and I wake up to check on him and he’s still asleep.

Co-sleeping promotes sensitivity. Many parents who co-sleep feel that they become more attuned to their baby and child. They feel that their sensitivity to the needs and patterns of their baby translate into daytime sensitivity as well. - I agree with this, I feel I am completely tuned with my baby, that is not saying that parents who don’t co-sleep are not equally as tuned but personally I feel that this has helped me bond a lot with both my babies.

It reduces bedtime struggles. -100% agree!! We have tried to get J to sleep at 2am in his room and he fights and fights but bring him into our bed and he goes straight back to sleep. I haven’t even got the energy to try such a battle with R.

Parents of co-sleepers know that children who sleep in their parents'' room have no reason to be afraid of bedtime. As they grow older and move into their own rooms, they have positive, secure images of sleeptime. They have no reason to equate bedtime with being alone. – too many children hate the dark and get scared at bedtime; it’s the last thing I wanted for my children.

It fosters an environment of acceptance. Underlying the choice to co-sleep is a willingness to accept a child's need for the parent both day and night. A parent essentially communicates that while the child is small and needful, the parent will be there to help the child and address their needs. Co-sleeping parents tend to believe that this willingness to respond to the child's needs carries over into the daytime, and this powerfully contributes to the overall relationship with the child. –I’ve never co-slept all night, I always put them to bed initially in their own bed. Then when they wake for their first night feed I’d bring them in with me and they stay their then still morning. Or even if they wake and don’t want a feed they can come in with me if they want (not J now though he has to stay in his bed unless he is poorly). I believe in letting my baby’s lead me with their cues. I do not believe I am creating spoilt children, I believe I am teaching them to trust me 100% and letting them know that any time they need me then I will be there.

Co-sleeping is just as safe or safer than a crib. Existing studies do not prove that co-sleeping is inherently hazardous. The elements of the sleeping environment are what dictate the level of danger to the infant. When non-smoking parents who do not abuse alcohol or drugs sleep on a firm mattress devoid of fluffy bedding, co-sleeping is a safe environment. In addition, it is likely that there are many children whose lives have been saved by sleeping next to their parents. There is anecdotal evidence, for instance, of mothers who have noticed their child not breathing and were able to stimulate them to breathe. – Have already written about this!

I wanted to share this on my Mummy blog and I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences. Whether you are for or against co-sleeping or you just haven’t thought about it. Please do comment and let me know 