Brotherly Love

Before Riley entered the world I had absolutely no idea how Joshua was going to react to him. I feared jealousy and worst of all Joshua trying to hurt him. I don’t know whether we are just lucky, but we’ve had neither. Joshua has always been a sweet, gentle (albeit bad tempered) little boy and there is no exception with his baby brother.

In the first few days of Riley being around, Joshua wasn’t so sure. When we asked if he liked Riley he would say ‘no’ but then he’d kiss him. Quite often he will lie of sit with him, touching his nose, playing with his feet or passing him toys. It’s beautiful to watch.



He tries to help when Riley cries. A few days back J was patting Riley’s back to try and stop him crying. He’s seen us do it when we’re winding him, so he was trying to help me. Washing his face is another fun one, he went through a stage of doing that all the time, he’s even tried to brush his teeth for him.

The other afternoon we were at my parents and Riley had been sleeping in his car seat. Joshua was sat watching him when he woke up. So J stood up and rocked the seat, then peered at Riley, shook his head and tried again. Obviously trying to get him back to sleep. Was adorable, a heart melting moment.

My Mum likes to tell me that Joshua gets jealous sometimes, but honestly he doesn’t. Okay sometimes when I’m holding Riley he will want to be picked up to – but I wouldn’t call is jealously. Maybe I’m deluded, but I don’t think so, since most of the time he doesn’t bother.

I just know J is going to love it once R is on the move and he can play with him. I'm dreading the mischief already.

Yummy Mummy

No not me, the most amazing changing bags I have ever seen. I was just browsing the internet thinking I'd like a prettier bag, not that there is anything wrong with the free boots changing bag we have. It's just boring.

Anyway I came across these bags by accident and it was love at first site. Just look at them.

This one is my favourite >>














I tried to convince the hubby that he needs to buy me one, but he's not having any of it. Changing bags double up as a handbag for me these days and I would use it everytime we went out for the next couple of years. My arguements didn't convince him though, Mr Sensible! To be fair we have much more important things to spend £70 on than a pretty changing bag.

A girl can dream hey?!

If you want to look at them do so at Pink Lining

Baby Riley

I just love watching my baby, if I had the time I'd sit and watch him for hours. He's a really content little boy, happy to lie on his playmat or sit in his swing.

He's really interactive now and gives me big smiles and coos when I talk to him. I love how his little eyes follow me when I walk past. Everyone keeps telling me he's a mummys boy and it annoyes me nearly as much as the 'he's so big' comments. He's 8 weeks olds is it really a bad thing that he's a mummys's boy? Surely its a good thing that his mummy makes him feel so relaxed and safe. I feed him, I change him, I bath him... he spends more time with me than with anyone else in the world of course he's going to want to be with me.

It amazes me how different he is to Joshua, they are both smiley little boys but Riley is more content to be left alone. Perhaps its because he doesn't have colic like Joshua had. We used to have to rock Joshua to sleep, he always slept better cradled in someone's arms. Riley has self settled from day 1, he's currently just fallen asleep on his play mat. He goes to.bed much later than Joshua did, but after his bath, massage and feed he goes in his basket. Coos and wriggles for a bit before drifting to sleep. It's one thing I pray he keeps up, as much as I love sleepy cuddles it would be a.nightmare to go through what we went with Joshua. He's never going to have our undivided attention like Joshua did. It's the reason I've started to schedule mummy time and daddy time for both of them. One hour a week they get time with just one of us, its nice for them and its nice us to. I love being able to give them my undivided attention for that time.

Tantrums..

The definition of a tantrum according to Wiki is :
A tantrum is an emotional outburst, usually associated with children or those in emotional distress, that is typically characterized by stubbornness, crying, screaming, defiance, angry ranting, a resistance to attempts at pacification and, at some cases, hitting. Physical control may be lost, the person may be unable to remain still, and even if the "goal" of the person is met he or she may not be calmed.

We’ve had most of these, and I believe a lot of it stems from frustration. We can’t understand him fast enough, he can’t understand why we are telling him no or taking something away from him. I believe that as he learns to communicate better the tantrums will lessen... or perhaps that is wishful thinking. Either way time will tell. It must be so frustrating to have something he deems ‘fun’ to be taken away without being able to fully understand why. To the toddler it feels like the end of the world, or whatever would be equally as bad to them.

Tiredness and hunger make tantrums worse, because lets face it only a toddler would think it was a good idea to scream and bang there head against a door because you haven’t peeled their orange fast enough. Or hit themselves in the head with a wooden brick while screaming blue murder because they are tired and the thought of having to go to bed is horrific.

This is the scale our tantrums have escalated to these days. I struggle to know how to handle it sometimes, screaming and banging his feet or rolling around the floor I found easier to ignore. Head banging I’m torn because it usually resorts in him hurting himself and then tantrum tears turn to proper tears. Which makes me want to comfort him, but then I wonder if that’s his plan. Hurting himself to get my attention, for me to stop what I am doing and cuddle him? Should I leave him sobbing because he has hurt himself, will he learn that it’s not going to get him what he wants or will he continue to do it? Tantrums are a minefield.

J is a sweet little boy, but his tantrums are enough to drive anyone slightly mad at times. Standing and making noises while pointing vaguely in the direction of something isn’t overly helpful in helping me understand what he wants. The fact that he says ‘Yeah’ to practically everything we say makes it even harder.

‘Do you want this?’ I hold something up and he replies ‘Yea.’ So I hand it to him and he screams at me. This happens at least a handful of times every day.

Sometimes we can distract him and defuse the situation, but that rarely lasts long and once a tantrum starts to brew you rarely make it through the day without it making an appearance. I’ve found that if I try to talk or rationalise with him while a tantrum is under way it results in the tantrum stepping up a gear. Toddlers completely lose control of themselves during a tantrum, and are quite possibly a little scared of the violent feelings that they cannot control. It’s too easy to forget and understand how a toddler is feeling.

I just need to take a deep breath when a tantrum is underway and remind myself that however unpleasant the tantrum is for me, it’s a whole lot worse for him.

When are you planning on stopping?

‘How long are you doing that for?’
Two questions that most breastfeeding Mums seem to encounter. I’m never sure how to answer. It’s not like on the 23rd May, the day he turns six months I’m going to suddenly stop. Although according to the latest reports exclusively breastfeeding for six months isn’t recommended now. Why they can’t put their money into researching something useful, instead of producing reports to tell us how to be good Mummies. I'm going to carry on as long as we are both happy. Be it three months or a year. It's an incredible bonding experience, it’s easy and enjoyable for me. No washing and sterilizing bottles, no getting up in the middle of the night to warm milk, no worrying about taking enough milk on days out. My milk is with me all the time and it saves me a small fortune. Not to mention it is the best for my baby.

J wasn’t ready for solids at four months, even though endless people told me he was. ‘It’ll make him sleep through the night.’ Funny how they say the same for formula, yet neither work. Babies have a massive four month growth spurt and if I’m happy waking every two hours to feed my baby then why does it bother everyone else so much? I waited until he was ready at almost six months. Even child is different, so parents cant be expected to all do the same thing at the same time.

Breastfeeding rates are lower in this country than most, yet we do nothing and support mothers. No one tells you how hard it’s going to be in the first few days and weeks. Maybe if they did instead of painting a picture that is easy and natural more woman would stick at it. Instead they are left struggling, thinking they are doing something wrong, with little or no support and end up giving up. This latest report is going to put even more women off trying.

It came as no surprise to me that three out of the four people who'd carried out this new report used to work for a formula company. They need to atop making it about money and more about what is actually best for babies.

Personally I say ignore all the rubbish they come out with, and trust your instincts... no-one know your baby better than you.

Career

I’ve been thinking a little over the past couple of days about what I can see myself doing and part of me would like to work with children. Either a childminder as I get to stay home and look after my own babies at the same time, or an infant school teacher. I can find negatives with both though, so does that mean neither are the career for me? It’s just so difficult and it involves some risk taking and I’m not too good at that. I've too much to risk, I have a job it brings in money - leaving it would be scary.

I decided to take an online career test to find out my ‘ideal’ career and they came up with a list. None of them jumped out at me and said ‘yes I want to do this.’ My dream job would be a novelist, but that would involve an original idea and decent writing skill. Neither which I have.

This is what they came up with:

• Artist ( I can’t draw)
• Historian (I hate history)
• Banker (I’d be bored)
• Novelist (dream job)
• University Professor (not smart enough)
• Photographer (Not got a creative eye)
• Vet (Animals scare me a little)
• Paralegal (what?)
• Graphic Designer (rubbish at design)
• Online Content Developer (Sounds a bit boring)
• Webmaster (Don’t know anything about it)
• Producer (Film producer working with Johnny Depp ... Yes please)
• Managing Director (No thanks)
• Nutritionist (No thanks)
• Advertising (not for me)
• Nursing (Hate blood and sick)

So that leaves me back at square one. No life changing ideas have happened upon me yet. Maybe I’ll just stick with being a mummy, it’s easier.

One day...

One day i'll have an outfit that is complete WITHOUT snot, sick or dribble.

One day I'll be able to go to the toilet alone.

One day I'll be able to eat chocolate without hiding.

One day I won't have to wipe sticky fingers off everything.

One day I'll be able to have an undisturbed bath.

BUT

One day I won't wake up to two beautiful smiling boys.

One day I won't be the centre of their lives.

One day they'll stop curling up in my arms and drifting to sleep.

One day I won't hear the sound of their laughter in the mornings.

One day they'll go out and live their own lives without me and I'll be craving these days.

Looking Forward...

New year’s tend to start with resolutions, most which are barely kept till the end of January. I gave up making resolutions a long time ago, I never kept them anyway and if we want to make changes we shouldn't need to wait till the calendar ticks over to another year. We should do because the time is right.

However there are a few things I'd like to achieve or do this year so I thought I'd write them down as a little reminder. Something to look back on in a few months.

1. Be the best mummy I can possibly be to my boys. It's not always easy, some days it too easy to get cross especially after a bad night’s sleep. But I promise myself that I will try, it’s not their fault.

2. Write more. I've enjoyed writing for years, I don't claim to be any good at it but I don't care. It's my escape. Over the past few months writing has taken a back bench and I really want to get back into it. Both stories and blogging. I'm struggling for ideas for both at the moment so if anyone has suggestions please comment. I have no idea who reads my blog, but if there are certain types of posts you prefer more than others please let me know. Or if there is anything you’d like me to babble about... I’m open to ideas.

3. Think long and hard about what I want to do with my life. Is being a mummy and working a boring admin job enough. Sometimes I think it is, other times I'm not so sure. I view my work as an ends to a means, helps to pay the bills and put money on the table and that’s about it. I sometimes think my job should be more fulfilling, satisfying, but being a Mummy is sometimes enough. There is nothing more satisfying than being with my boys. Studying appeals to me one day, not so much others. I completely enjoyed the short fiction course I did last year, and would like to do something similar again. I'm not likely to make any life changing decisions but I need to think about it.

4. Lose weight, nothing drastic and I'm not going to utter the 'D' word because the mere mention of it makes me want to reach for the nearest bar of chocolate. I just want to make more of a conscious effort to eat healthy and if I can manage it do some exercise. Even if it's just walks with the kids, I want to be happy be with the way I look.

I think that's about it. There are probably a million things I could write down that I want to do or change but I know realistically I'm never gonna manage it. So it’s pointless writing a huge list of things, because when I look back it will only depress me that I’ve achieved none of them.

Looking back

2010 is drawing to a close, (well it was when i started writing) another year has passed by. We're all another year older but not necessarily wiser.

2010 has had it's ups and it's downs, but thankfully there has been decidedly more ups. I fancied having a little recap of the year ao here goes..

January must have been a quiet month, I can't remember anything of any significance happening. Then again after the madness of Christmas a quiet month was proberly needed. Wait I went back to work for a few days this month, my keeping in touch days - breaking me gently into working life again.

February took pretty much the same shape as january. What would have been a boring two months if not for my son who prevents anything from getting to boring. 

March I found out I was pregnant again. I had an 8 month old and i was pregnant, that possibly made me insane. I was extrememly excited and extrememly scared. I was going to have two babies 17months apart. I also returned to work this month and was somewhat dreading having to break the news to them so soon.

April was Ant's thirtieth and we jetted off to Egypt for a week to celebrate. One week turned into two as the volcanic eruption grounded flights. Thankfully our travel company footed the bill so we got an all inclusive week free - it wasn't easy to relax and enjoy though as we could have been called to fly at any point.

May was the eagerly anticipated month of my 12 week scan. Nerves overtook excitement until the moment we saw our little squid wriggling around. We'd made it to that all important week, second trimester was about to be entered and we could share our exciting news. Unfortunately reactions were mixed but we didn't let it bring us down. 
May was westlife month, a night in London and a weekend in Manchester with wonderful friends.
Also my baby took his first steps at ten and half months old, making me a proud mummy. 

June was my baby's 1st birthday, it was scary how fast time had gone. He was no longer a baby but a toddler with his own personality. We celebrated with a trip to the zoo and much fun was had.

July we found out we were to have another boy, confirming what I already suspected. A little brother and play mate for J. 
Ant got to drive a lambourghini this month (his 30th birthday gift from me) was fun to watch and even more enjoyable for him to actually do. We made it into a day out and spent the afternoon in the park.
A good friend gave birth to her little boy, a new playmate for my boys.

August must have been another quiet month, as I have no memory of it what so ever. 

September I had a brief visit from one of my best friends, she was over in England from Germany for the weekend. So made the trek up to see a heavily pregnant me.

October I turned 21.... I wish! Anyway I had a quiet birthday, being heavily pregnant and having a toddler hardly allowed for a rock n roll birthday. I made it up to visit my friend in Leeds the weekend before my birthday, just me and the little one. We chatted, ate and was generally lazy..was exactly what I needed. 
I also finished work, maternity leave started at the end of the month meaning there was three weeks to go to the big day.

November the best month of the year, I welcomed my little boy into the world a mere 3 days late (see my birth story blog) 
The three weeks leading up to his birth were insanely slow, the last week of the month went insanely fast.

December passed in a daze of dirty nappies (2 lots), sleepless nights and illnesses. And of course Christmas which was insane and brilliantly fun. My best Christmas by far! 

I'm looking forward to 2011 and everything it brings. Am hoping for a quieter year.. No babies this year. I've spent portions of the last 3 years pregnant! 21 months of being pregnant in total over 2008/2009 & 2010, it's more than enough for a few years...