The End in nigh

It is 11 days until my maternity leave is over and I am back to work, I’ve been trying to ignore it. Living in denial that it’s going to happen and all of a sudden it’s right around the corner. It all became ever more real this afternoon when I went for lunch with my boss so he could discuss what I would be doing when I go back.

Where has the last 9 months gone? It doesn’t seem two minutes ago that I was heavily pregnant and getting excited about going on my maternity leave and now I have an eight month old baby and I’m due to return to work. I’m not jumping for joy at the prospect, given half a chance I would stay at home with my boys until they started school. However in order to keep a roof over our head and food on the table then I need to go back to work and contribute to the bills. Dam the ever increasing price of every god dam thing.

We have fun, we go out lots and the boys love our outings the same as I do. I’m going to miss spending so much time with the boys. I won’t be starting till 11am but it’s going to be hard to fit in much before work. By the time we have done breakfast, got dressed, made my lunch for work the morning will practically be gone. I’m going to have to try and be super organised some mornings though, even I just take them for a walk. I’m not going to be able to go to any groups or anything on the three days I’m in though, but I intend to fill Thursday and Friday with as many activities as I can to make up for it. I’m encouraging A to take them out, but I know I will then feel jealous and sad that I am missing out on the fun they are having.

The three days at work I’m not going to see A; he will get up I will leave. Then I will get home and he will leave. We will be like passing ships in the night; communication will be a quick conversation in the doorway as we pass or little notes. I’m under no illusions that it is going to be easy, but I really really didn’t want to go back to work five days a week and this is the only way that I could fit in enough hours to allow myself a couple of days off.

It won’t be as bad as I’m expecting, I know I will soon get back into the routine and the adult conversation will be really nice. I definitely have one of the nicest bosses ever and work with a lovely bunch of people so that’s one bonus. It still doesn’t mean I want to go back though...